You kill me everyday

ChristopherMaggotWaweru

Please, I beg you,
break my ribs with brass knuckles until it bleeds
rather than ripping my hurt to pieces with your presence
Every single fucking day is a sweet nightmare I never want to end.

My daily dose of heroine, except the needle never pierces my skin.
The drug never injects my bloodstream. Yet I have vowed to never let it go.
I am addicted to it.
To you.

I know that I mean much little to you, but you are the life of me, 
so little that you can't stand my hideous display.
I'm not worth a second glance when we walk past
but what you see isn't what it is.
 
I'm actually broken but who isn't.
This is all a disguise to mask the shameful truth but the way to make you accept it escapes me.
I'm clueless as to where I should begin.

You make it so hard for me to even say hello.
Just seeing your face makes my bones tremble and my mind goes on a violent rampage virtually destroying everything in its path.
And at that precise moment nothing else matters 
and it shames me to say.

Its pointless.
As painful As it is I will keep away, 
cowardly run away with my tail between my hind legs like a scared dog.
I over stepped my own boundaries
filled my mind with confusion and false hope and what come of it.

I will bear the burden of feasting on your beauty from far
but never will I call it my own.
The reality of that happening makes me want to drive a stake through my chest and be free of your binding chains.

If I could I would but I cant so I wont.....
But I would love to for you are choking me with your beauty.
With every look you rob me of my demons and replaces them with your dark piercing eyes and pale skin.
I am distraught for I want you
but I do not know how to have you,
and I must,
you maybe my last hope for salvation.
Its a pity we don't suffer from the same disease
then we could poison the world with our......