just let me be free grandma

carmellia

now im here because of you
with tears and scars
most of all the pain
watch me as I drown in deep sorrow

i try to reach my goal 
"you can never make it" you say
well one is to make you happy what i do turns out wrong
why cant you see this for once?

your right by the way
im a failure
so why do i even try?
i should just die

so...

why the tears and scars with pain?
because of all the mean things you say
it hurts to hear them
so im a self harmer
its nothing new
i just do things to finish off the day

every night when everyone is sleeping
im awake
what am i doing?
im crying and thinking in complete darkness

thinking of what?
me being a bad granddaughter, how i fail at everything, how i should just kill myself im not worth it, how i hate myself 
but mostly on how i could never make you happy.
me and my mom may be alike
you and everyone say
but i want to be better then everyone else

i try with my grades, poetry, reading, track, all types of things to see at least a smile... not even that

well....

im sorry that's all i could say