Confessions

Autumn Matthews

Watch my pathetic misery, 
Bleeding cuticles, bleeding red. 
What are you doing to me, now 
You know I know I want you dead. 

Words are meaningless to me, 
All I see is darkness and I 
Kneel to it like a masochist, 
Trying to resist but I can't break free

Watch me fall and spiral down, 
Into the black that I'm ashamed to call home. 
I'm addicted to the pain, you know, 
Addicted to the memories and being alone. 
I love you but I love the fall more, 
The drop, the fall that I fell for. 
The headaches make up for the dizzying hights, 
That I reached when you turned out the lights.

My weakness was always a pretty face, 
Seeing you lying there, still, in black lace. 
A soft bed of silk, a hard wooden box, 
The crucifix covered by flowing black locks.

You wanted me dead, I wanted you more, 
Who got there first? I'll never be sure. 
One is gone, and soon I'll be going. 
You are dead, your rosy cheeks glowing. 
The cold is a sign, we're close to the end. 
I feel it and love it, the way it mends
My stitched up wrists.

Watch me fall and spiral down, 
Into the black that I'm ashamed to call home. 
I'm addicted to the pain, you know, 
Addicted to the memories and being alone. 
I love you but I love the fall more, 
The drop, the fall that I fell for. 
The headaches make up for the dizzying hights, 
That I reached when you turned out the lights.

This is it and I don't care. 
I'll see you in hell, if not, don't despair. 
You dragged me down as I dragged you, 
For me, death is waiting. I outlived you.