Even in Death

Kanashimi Raven

The piano plays in the background 
The gentle, breathtaking melody 
for a moment it silences the sound of weeping
and pushes away the essence of death

But the feelings remain
the coldness deep inside 
The guilt, and regret and selfish desire 
of wanting you here, beside me again 

Your large hand in mine
your warm and gentle smile
It's fine that you used me to get what you want
it's fine that you didn't love me at all 

I was fine with just loving you
with just having you near 
and knowing you lived, and you smiled. 

Ohh god I was wrong to think that, 
Ohh god how I wished I had one more day

I think, all who knew you, wished for that too
Your wife, she is here, right by your coffin 
your daughter is crying and your son is in shock 
But it's fine, I'm here to comfort them 

After all, even if that woman was your beloved wife
I was the woman who gave you the child, 
in the number of two. 
I gave you the happiness she never could. 

So I'm fine that you used me for my womb
but I'm happy you let me be their mum too. 
And even in death are you gorgeous my love
Even in death are you smiling. 

A tug on my sleeve and I nod, turning around.
“ Come on, Kai and Mai, let us go home
I'm sure daddy wouldn't want us 
to cry”