Precious

jerry harrenstein

I woke up this morning
only to find my woman's
tears drying on my pillow.
She must have left during
the night without saying
good night, fearing I would
not want to listen to her
drivel.

I could only hope that it was 
not something I said that made 
her think I was lying 
and that was what caused her 
to start crying.

Now here she is late into 
this night,
knocking on my door,
crying out like a wayward
voice in the wind,
asking me to let her come in.

I opened the door
to let her come in
and that's when she started 
to cry again.
She asked me to hold her
in my arms
and I obliged 
as she stood there
and cried.

Precious started to shiver
and shake,
so I asked her 
why she quaked.

She looked at me
and I could see the color
drain from her face,
while her tears slowly rolled down
my arms, gently falling to the ground.

I could sense that there 
was something amiss
and I was not going to be remiss
with the woman I loved,
as an inexplicable cold  
came over her
causing me to shiver.

I had an unexplainable 
feeling that this might 
be the last night
I would be spending
with my Precious
and I did not want her
to slip into a state of unconsciousness 
before I knew what was causing 
her to behave like this.

I looked down at her ashen face
and asked her if she had taken
something to cause her to 
act like this,
all the while wondering if I
was the cause of this.

Precious just looked at me 
while she grew weaker in my arms
and then unexpectedly,    
she grabbed my neck, 
pulling me down to her quivering lips
and whispered into my ear
that she came here tonight
to die.
What!
Why?
Why did she say she came 
here to die?
Why?
Tears came to my eyes 
because I did not want 
her to die.

I started to panic because 
I did not know what to do
and I did not want her to die
without knowing why 
she wanted to die.

I held her tightly in my arms
and tried to keep her warm,
but to no avail.
Her knees began to buckle
and her eyes rolled towards 
the back of her head.
That's when I thought 
she was dead, 
but she started to cough
and as if that wasn't enough,
she went limp in my arms.

I picked her up 
and laid her down on my couch, 
knowing all along I was no slouch,
nor was I insensitive,
but I had to do something
to help her out.

While I was covering her
knees with her skirt,
Precious reached out
to grab my shirt,
pulling me down 
towards her drying lips 
and whispered to me 
why she came here to die.

Precious said she chose to die
rather than live because 
there was no love from me 
coming into her heart.
She said my kind of love
had been wrong 
for so long.
Then, she told me that I only 
loved her mind and body,
not her heart, or soul.
Precious whispered to me 
that there was no meaning to her life
anymore knowing that there would never 
be any love forthcoming from me going into her heart 
and that was why she chose not to live,
but rather to die.

I moved closer to her ear
to tell her that she was right.
I said to her that I should have 
loved her heart 
right from the start
and not doing that was a fatal 
mistake on my part.

I asked her why she
did not come to me
and talk about this
because if she had 
she would not have done this.

I wanted to tell her that I 
loved her, 
but I was scared to say
I love you.
I even wanted to marry her,
but I knew the moves I made   
for her were not right
and now it is too late to make
it right.


Precious moved closer to my ear
and said words that cut
into my heart like a thousand
knives.
I know now from what she
just said that I will never have
any kind of life knowing the 
memories I have of her will 
haunt me night after night 
for what I have done here tonight.

I held her head in my hands 
and told her that I did love her,
but I sensed she thought it was
a lie.
I whispered in her ear that I 
loved her more than Romeo
loved his Juliet.
I told her she was my Juliet, 
my everything blessing,
my silver spring  
and the Angel that slept
with me at night,
walked with me in the day light,
all the while protecting me from
the thieves with their lonely tramps that
walked our streets at night.

I pulled Precious up to my ear
and she stopped whispering,
only to start gasping for air,
so I laid her back down once again
for all I could do now was painfully
watch her life come to an end.

The light in her eyes began to 
flicker on
and off
and the only tears coming from her
eyes now came from the trickling
of my tears falling into her lifeless eyes.

Blood started to flow from the corner of her mouth
and that's when I started to shout out her name,
but nothing said by her came.

What's happening here can't be real.
I must be in a dream.
I pleaded with her to tell me 
that this was all a lie
and that she was not going to die,
but a response never came.
Oh God, what an ass am I,
since it was me that made  
her choose to die.

I remember Precious telling me
that she only wanted to live
for today, 
no matter what got in her way.
Well, in the end, I got in her 
way
and now I will have to live
the rest of my life
knowing that I killed the only love 
of my life.
If anyone should be dying, 
let it be me for the 
the horrible life
I've led.
Why, why God, was I not 
laying here dead 
in her stead?

I looked down at her again
and the pillow that was 
under her head 
was bathed in red.
Her body was without life now
and my heart was welling up 
with pain.
I felt like I was going insane
because I was the only one 
who should be blamed.
I took a heart full of love
and turned it into shattered glass.

I leaned forward and gave Precious 
a long passionate kiss,
then I whispered to her keep 
this kiss because I would soon be 
joining her.
I closed her eyes
while I cried,
then I said my goodbyes.
I kissed her one last time 
while telling her 
that my love was hers
to keep forever.

I wanted to go outside 
and lash out at the night, 
or at anyone in sight,
thinking this would ease the pain
building up in my heart.

I realized then that there was
no one left for me to talk to
except for God.
I took hold of my woman's hand,
looked up to the heavens 
and thanked God
for bringing Precious into my life,
then I made a promise to Him 
that when I was with Precious again,
the only thing she will get from me
would be
my undying love 
and devotion
to fill up her heart.

Rest in peace Precious
and know in your heart
of hearts 
that I love you!