I Axel >< I Alice

jerry harrenstein

I Axel:

I wanted Alice.
I wanted her from the first
moment I set my eyes on her.
I wanted her so bad I could
taste it.
Wasting no time,
I walked over to her with
my hand extended,
all the while
presenting her with
my smile.

I took hold of her hand
and told her my name was Axel.
With her eyes fixed on mine,
a smile came to her face, 
very similar to mine.
I decide right there 
and then, to start the chase.
She was simply divine
and simply sublime, 
at least in my mind.
While listening to her speak,
she said her name was Alice,
I thought how beautiful
and wonderful 
her name sounded.
Alice.
Axel and Alice.
Alice and Axel.
From that moment on,
I knew we were meant to be,
her and me.
With her hand still in mine,
a walk we took.
We walked 
and talked.
I was comfortable 
with her
and she seemed to be 
comfortable
with me.
That,
I believed.

I liked Alice.
I had no shame
when I told her
that I was in love with her.
Yes,
I loved Alice.
I liked the beauty
that was Alice.
I could tell that she 
was anything but common,
her with all that grace
and such a lovely face.
I dated her.
I romanced her.
I wined 
and dined her.
I even danced with her.
I kissed her.
I held her close,
close to my heart.
I loved her
while I made 
love with her.
I adored her,
lauded her
and applauded her.
I proposed to her.
I married her.
I vowed to be 
everything to her
and do anything for her,
even die for her.
I promised to honor her.
Cherish her.
I promised her my
undying love.
I promised to hold her love
for me in my heart forever.
I promised to make her
every dream come true
and never a day would she
be blue.
I gave to Alice my heart.
I gave it to her
and only her,
because I vowed never
to stop loving her.
I vowed to love her
until eternity was 
nevermore.
I thanked God for bringing 
her to me,
I thanked him repeatedly,
but I did not thank Him
the day He took my Alice
from me.

I loved my life with Alice.
I loved our life together,
even in disagreeable storms 
we would whether.
I loved the time we spent
with one another.
I was always there whenever she
needed me,
that,
she could count on.

I gave her my shoulder 
to cry on,
that,
she could rely on.

I shared in her tears
and alleviated her fears.
I cried when she cried
and smiled 
whenever she smiled.
I laughed her laugh
and sang her songs.
I shared in her drink
and bread we did break.
I made sure that 
she knew I cared 
for her.
I took good care
of her
and I kept her warm
whenever winter stormed.

Never was I to busy for her,
I always wanted to be with her,
because I loved her.
I learned from her
as I grew with her
and never once did I scold her.
Alice was my blessing,
my everything blessing,
my life,
my lovely,
lovely wife.

When her end time was near,
I held her tight,
every day,
and every night.
I listened to her screams
that mirrored her pain.
Our lives were about to change.
I did not want to despair,
even though I thought her fate
was unfair.

I could not comprehend
that her life was about
to end.
I could not see through my
endless stream of tears.
I was gripped in fear
and nothing seemed clear.
I could not eat,
think,
or sleep.
I would scream
and scream,
as I agonized
over her fate.
I even babbled on
and on,
like a babbling 
brook did I babble.
I had lost my cool.
I had to make sense
of that which was
nonsense,
her impending death.
I had to be strong for Alice,
that,
I knew.

I had to accept her fate.
I had to go to her
and give my love to her,
my heart to her.
I was late on my arrival
to the hospital.
I could see motion
amongst the commotion
gathering near Alice's room.
I had to see if this was
a sign,
a sign 
of Alice's impending doom.
I cried out,
I cried out,
"Let me through,
let me through,
let me see my Alice."
I was too late.
I caught a glimpse
of her though through 
the door.
I caught a glimpse
of the Angels
as they carried her
in their arms
up to Heaven above.

I saw them take from me
the woman I loved.
How foolish was I to think
my presence alone could
keep my Alice alive.
How sad was I, 
in not knowing that we 
all had to die.

I went home, 
home to cry
and wonder why.
What would I do now,
now that my Alice
was no longer with me.
I held in dread
the days ahead,
the days,
the days she would not 
be here to be with me.
I dreaded the nights,
the empty nights, 
the nights where I would no longer
be able to hold her,
talk with her,
kiss her
and profess my love
for her.

Reality was calling,
but I could not stop bawling.
Even now I feel her next to me,
shadowing me.
In my bed,
she lays next to me, 
pushing her breasts up against 
my chest,
her warm breath
caressing my neck.
Her charm,
her grace,
her lovely,
lovely face,
all gone now.
Alice is just a memory now,
a lovely 
unforgettable 
sweet memory.

How can I possibly carry on.
How can I love her now,
now that she's gone.
With my nights being blue
and my days so lonely too,
what am I going to do.
What can I do.
What can I do without
my Alice!
I knew she was above me,
all the while
sending her love down to me,
trying to comfort me,
that,
I knew 
and felt too.
Yet,
it seemed so unreal,
even surreal.
I could hear her sounds,
her sounds of silence,
whenever she was near.

Alice was my first taste
of love
and she would be my last,
for there was no one
greater than she.
I lived now only for
my dreams,
dreams where I no longer 
heard her screams,
where her words of love
came down to me from above.

Alice,
the woman whom carried me,
loved me,
loved me
unconditionally,
the woman whom is now no 
longer with me,
smiles down on me.
I will survive now,
knowing that she 
never gave up on me
in life
and in her death.

I will go on loving her,
dreaming of her,
wanting,
wanting 
to be with her.
I will go on sending,
sending my love to her.
My tears I would  keep 
and when I did  weep,
I would let her know.
She will always be near,
helping me to overcome my fears
and when my time comes,
when we are together once again,
I can love her all over again...

           I Alice:

From where I stood I could
see that he was interested
in me.
I could sense his desire for me.
I saw strength in him,
even from a distance
I saw strength in him.
Ever so gentle was his smile
while he gazed longingly at me.
He did that repeatedly.
I sent a smile his way
hoping he would come my way.
He was not a man of nonsense,
that,
that I could sense.

He looked cool,
calm
and purposeful,
that,
I sensed as well.

I liked what I saw in him.
I liked him.
I wanted to meet him.
I believed I could love him,
yes,
yes I could,
I could love him.

With life in his step,
he walked towards me,
extending his hand
as he greeted me.
His voice was soothing
as he stood in front of me.
I took hold of his hand
and welcomed him.
His manner was impeccable,
he was simply irresistible.
I melted from his touch,
he was just too,
too much,
too good to be true.
I prayed that he had 
nothing up his sleeve
with his intent for me.

With his hand still holding mine,
he introduced himself.
His name was Axel.
I said Alice,
Alice was my name.
Alice and Axel.
Axel and Alice.
I loved the sound 
of our names,
I hoped we could 
get to know one
another.
I hoped he would walk
with me,
talk with me,
and he did.
We walked
and talked.
Axel's words excited me,
charmed me.
He was ever so sweet to me,
even though he did not know me.
He said he was in love with me
and wanted to court me.
I thought how could that be,
he knows nothing about me.
Nothing!

Well,
as it turned out,
I dated him.
He took me out to dance,
that was his idea of romance.
Holding me close,
he kissed me.
I knew he wanted me,
wanted me to make love
with him.
I wanted his loving too,
so I said "Love me,
love me do,"
and he did.   

One night while wining
and dining me,
he asked me to be his bride.
With my eyes opened wide,
I started to cry
as I said,
"yes,
yes,
yes,
I'll be your bride."
We married
and exchanged vows.
I vowed to honor him
with my presence,
make life for him pleasant,
be all I could be
because he loved me.
In my heart, 
I would hold
his undying love for me.
In my mind,
I would be ever so kind.
He would never have to say
I wish she was here, 
for I, 
I would always be near,
near too hold him
dear
and near to
my heart.

I would always be grateful,
grateful that God brought Axel
to me,
but I did not like what He
had in store for me.
I vowed to Axel that there
would never be two wrongs
between us,
that right
would be our delight,
that my love would be there 
for him day
and night
for the rest of
his life,
no matter 
my plight.

As the years passed,
many a time of good
did we have as our lives
became one.
We had so much fun.
The joy he brought to me,
the laughter we shared,
nothing,
nothing compared.
His longing stare
and his
love for me
as he did everything under
the sun,
what more,
what more could a
woman want than
to be loved
by her man.

He was there to sing my songs
no matter what went wrong.
My tears,
my tears whenever they fell,
Axel would wipe them away
and bid them a fond farewell.
He really loved me,
that,
I could tell.

He was my everything blessing,
my day,
my night,
my knight whom always
shined bright.

Never did we fight,
never did we fail
to make love
in the night.
He,
Axel,
was the love of my life.
He was my treasure
and gave to me such pleasure.
I admired him 
and took delight in him.
Axel, 
with his sheepish grin,
was my godsend.

Axel was very attentive
when the news of my fate
came.
He knew my life was about to change.
He knew his life with me was coming
to an end.
He took real good care of me.
He was not the kind of man
whom would bail on someone
if things were not going well,
that,
I knew only to well.

My upcoming passing
was very hard on him,
on me too.
Axel felt my pain whenever
I screamed.
He was not ready for me
to leave,
that,
you can believe.

Never had he grieved
as he grieved for me.
In life,
Axel was mine,
in death,
he would still be mine.
I did not want to leave
my man,
only to look down at him
from above,
that's no way to love. 
I would find a way though,
a way to express my love,
even from above.

From the start,
our hearts
had never been apart
and now as I lay here
ready to depart,
he is not here.
Oh,
oh,
oh how I wished
he was here
to hold me near
and dear.
I wanted to let him know
that I would always be near
and even from above,
he would always have my love.
My life has ended as he knows it,
but my love for him would go on.
I caught my last glimpse of him
as the Angels gathered me 
up in their arms.
In our ascent,
I looked down 
on him,
still wanting to be with him,
wanting to hold him,
kiss him,
love him,
be with him.

I could see the pain
that over came him 
as he looked helplessly
at my ascension.
I knew then that his life
would never be the same again.
He knew that I had died
and he reached out to me
one last time to say,
to say goodbye with tears
falling from his eyes.

I walked beside him
as he went back to our home.
He must have felt so alone
without me by his side.
He would never be alone though,
my presence would be felt,
even from above.
I am his Angel now, 
the Angel whom would
comfort his restless soul
whenever I looked
down on him.

Cry not for me my love,
cry not for me, 
for I, 
I hold your love in my heart
until we meet again.
I love you my Axel,
I Love you...