Quiet

Deviline

I Let the first real tear fall
For all I've lost 
For all I've found
For all I couldn't lose now but fear I would 
I cry for me 
For everything that isn't what it seems
For everyone that isn't what they should be or what they appear to be 
For not always getting to choose who we give our time to.
Is it crazy if I say 98 percent of people I've met are judgemental assholes 
hiding behind good deeds and fake smiles?
Is it crazy if I say I expect nothing from this godless world 
that's ripped me apart at every fvcking turn?

They say God created man in his own image.
As far as I was concerned, God was either a sick sadistic fvck 
or one hell of a lie people convinced themselves was the truth.

It's like It all hits me when I'm alone  
Then I Stare into blank space
And Days blend into nights
Like a permanent dusk
A mix of daydreams and nightmares 
But More of nightmares.
Nightmares of me drowning in a purgatory of dark water
Trying to fight my way back to life and never getting any closer no matter how hard I try 
I would wake up in the middle of the night, cold and dripping with sweat
A silent scream tearing out of my throat as I cried out to no one cuz nobody can save me from myself 
Getting away had become my everything 
My dreams were of been left alone
Hope had been stripped from me at every minute of every hour of every day for my entire life 
Maybe The end wouldn't really hurt
Maybe one day I'll look back and the pain wouldn't be so fresh 

Till then all I can do is keep quiet
Keeping quiet is how I survive.