Sorry

Ella

I get up in the morning and I do normal things,
I brush my hair in my room as my sister sings.
We walk to school together side by side,
But even though we're talking other things are on my mind.
We get to school and I plaster on a smile,
I talk to my friends and laugh for a while.
I walk to tutor with no smile on my face,
Cuz the anxiety inside is just eating away.
I feel like they're all staring cuz I'm ugly and fat,
But I'm being paranoid no one's doing that.

I go into tutor and smile again,
Gotta look fake happy for my snake pit of fake friends.
I walk to my besties tutor and yet again fake happy,
Can't let her see that one comment could snap me.
First lessons a drag when depression won't leave,
It steals happiness away like a fucking Thief.
Second lesson speeds past before it can register,
I walk downstairs to my girl and sit down next to her,
I eat some food but it goes down like lead,
I'll throw that up later I say in my head.
Third lesson my attention is in different places,
It's an array of talk and peoples faces.

Lunch time I don't eat because it's too much of a drag,
I can't be asked to eat it makes me feel fat.
Fourth and fith I couldn't explain if I tried,
It was probably boring and some slut probably lied.
I walk home with my sister like I do everyday,
She's talking about something but my mind strays away.
We get home And I'm tired as fuck,
My arms are heavy and I can barely stand up.
My sister goes downstairs and I'm alone in my room,
I text a few people but i feel shitty too.
I go to the bathroom and root around,
I look in the drawer and what have I found?.
A shiny new razor never been used,
I rip the plastic off what have I got to loose?
I feel so numb as the blood flows out,
My wrists drip blood and I don't even shout.
I slice my thighs to numb my pain,
Then I slice my wrists again and again.
But the pain floods back dull and hard,
So I pull my sleeves down and go to the park.
I take a bottle of vodka so I can forget it all,
I drink alot and I walk into a wall.
I pull up my sleeves and examine my arms,
I wish I could hurt myself without leaving scars.
Then again nobody notices and then when they do,
They walk off and pretend they don't even know you.
I walk back home when it's dark and cold,
Mum won't say shit I never do as I'm told.

I climb into bed shaking and crying,
"I'm fine"I wisper but why am I lying?.
No one can hear me no one would care,
When I cry to my friends they act like I'm not there.
I remember once when I was really low,
I saw a bottle of vallium and gave it a go.
I took about ten and woke up at the hospital,
But my dad wasn't there I knew he wouldn't care at all.
So when I feel low and I want to give up,
I'll get a bottle of vallium and water in a cup.