I loathe

Leslie

Loathe to close my eyes
Petrified to have them open
Pain is never forgotten
Nightmares of visions I wish to forget

I sit day after day
Reliving it over and over
I reach for alcohol..to much alcohol...
Thinking I want to survive....

Wishing I was stronger
Able to overcome it
I'm a fool, I'm weak
Life full of despair

How could he do what he did
Sexual contact with her
Offering my body to him
I can't forget...I can't cope

This is not the first time
I've been a victim...
Victim suffering pain 
Emotionally...physically...mentally

I just drank down number seven...
I'm aware of all those pills in my purse
They call to me
With promises of no pain anymore

I hear it is painless
I pick them up...
Pour them into my hand
Toying with them...thinking

I wish to live the life
The life after this one
One free of pain
One full of love

I sit with my bottle
Pills in my hands