Tricking myself

Fernando. A. Martinez.

I like to trick myself  
I trick myself that I'm happy
I trick myself that I'm loved
I trick that I'm successful 

But inside I know it's all a lie
Just a song and dace
I'm the performer 
The wold is my audience 

If only I could tell the truth 
If only I could share my pain
If only thay knew how much I hurt 
If only I was not so depressed 

But at the end of the day I trick myself no more
 I let my true color shine
 I pour myself another drink 
I cut deep into my wrists  
Then I cry myself to sleep 

Now I write this one last poem
A blood soaked hand loads my ticket out
Tears following a river down my ckeeks
I call my mom and tell her I lover her

This is it for me the end is near
one last breath I chamber  the round 
Pressing the ice cold barrel against  my head 
I pull the trigger letting the hammer drop

I hear the all to familiar click as I drop the gun
Curling curling myself back into my ball I lay there 
I'm still alive, the gun must have jammed 
I guess its just not my time.... Yet