The Girl

Haven

She sits in her room staring at the wall knowing she could never be anything more than worthless
The thoughts running through her head are on replay and never leave
So she sits facing a choice alone with no help
She sits facing death or life
Hard choice you may say, not to her she has her answer 
She has had her mind made up for a while
She sits facing the wall picking up a blade 
Small tears escaping her bloodshot eyes
She replays the memories one last time 
As she sits there staring at the wall digging the blade into her skin 
Deeper and deeper she goes
Blood trickling down her arms forming puddles on her floor
She hides her pain and lets go of suffering
She lies there broken and torn staring at the wall
Her eyes roll back and skin grows pale with each breath escaping her alreading blue lips
She feels closer and closer to death
Her one wish coming true
She blinks and suddenly enters a world of her own
She tries to find the wall
She runs for miles screaming and crying and trying to find her wall
The blood ruining her clothes 
The blood that makes her pain go away
The blood full of sadness and despair
The blood that sits draining from her arms into the lakes on her floor
The lakes of blood become so big she begins to drown
Drown in all of the pain and sadness and despair and depression
She lies there with thoughts of kids words and thoughts of mom and dad’s fights, thoughts of each and every cut she has ever given herself
She looks down at the blade in her hand and begins to cut more holes, more rips
She is beginning to look like a paper doll cut and mangled, ripped and torn, crumpled and worn
Wishing she could go back to being that once bright and happy girl she was before
 Return to the girl who lived
To the person who laughed for hours
The person who was really happy
The person who knew she could fall in love and know her feelings were real and that she wasn’t just faking them to make other people happy
She so desperately wishes to be that girl again that she tries to physically scar herself 
She is staring at the puddles on the floor looking at the reflection of a broken girl
A girl who isn’t pretty 
A girl who isn’t loved
A girl who isn’t wanted 
A girl who will soon waste away to nothing and no one will notice
She will soon become a shell of her former self
The shell no one loves
The shell no one cares about
The wanted shell of the broken girl who no one notices the cuts or burns
All they see is a perfect little girl who has everything right in her life
Little do they know 
When behind closed doors she cries herself to sleep
Tears soaked so far through her pillow they no longer wash off
Mascara running down her cheeks staining what was left of her almost perfect face
Tears burning rivers into her face
Cuts opening pathways to her soul 
All she has ever wanted was someone to listen but now no one ever will
She has taken her life along with scars and broken memories
She has taken her life knowing that others won’t morn her 
Knowing that others won’t remember her 
Knowing that others will only carry on with their own lives
She is now a distant memory
One she hopes still burns in the back of your head
She hopes you read this and realize that the girl your looking for is sitting her writing this while fighting back tears and memories 
She sits her wanting to hurt herself
Wanting to take this horrible life away
Wanting to know if anyone out there really cares for her
Wanting to know if she was to take her own life whose world would come crashing down in front of them
She sits here writing her feelings into this poem 
Sits here spilling the words onto the page
Sitting here wondering how many people lie awake at night thinking of her
Sitting her thinking about all those who mock her and do nothing to help her
Thinking about the ones who watch her walk through life with a painted on smile and a rehearsed laugh
Hoping no one will see through her mask, but sitting her wishing someone would be brave enough to take it off and rebuild what’s underneath