Worse Part

sabrina

many people are inspired by this jade character that had made a video about how horrible grade 9 was, when it started in grade 7. I have no hatred against her at all, i know where she is. but to be inspired by a ONE person, i think you should really look around. Over half of the students you see today are depressed. Society today is cruel and unusual.

Hi, i am sabi.
I am 17 years old. grade 12. Depressed.
my bullied days have been occurring since grade 1.
I have adhd. (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)
I use to cut myself every night when i came home, why? WHO knows. Some nights i still want to.
Want to know the worse part?????
All it took to get bullied was being myself! just by dying my hair i had problems everywhere. And EVERYDAY, i had to hear the same insults. "oh she's emo cuz she died her hair"
Want to know the worse part about this comment? It came true. i dated a guy on and off for a WHILE.
what happened was it became very difficult with his friends, one day i walked up to his room and over heard his friends making fun of me calling me a troll, worst part was - he was going along with it. Next day i started puking my food up. I am only 115 at a height of 5'4. I have been for years. I got suspended over 10 times because of this kid.
My latest ex, he use to scream at me in front of everyone at my NEW high-school, he would make everyone think i was the bad guy, and again... i ended up with the short end of everything. Really though, i was not the one picking the fights, he always did WHEN people were around.
Not only do i have permanent physical damage, BUT mental.
I cry myself to sleep every night, i eat oddly now, which is still barely. I have a high level of anxiety. people think that when i get upset i am over reacting but from my eyes everything that happens in my life is a struggle. i struggle for good grades, i struggle to try to keep everyone else happy and in the long run ...... i hurt myself.

I am not okay.
I will never be normal.
I have tried to commit suicide.
I have no confidence anymore. WHY?

the people who laugh at this story.
the people who hate themselves enough to make me hate me.
the people who judge me because of STORIES.

we talk in my religion class about bullies and why its wrong...
and the one girl that bullied me the most when i first transferred, was the one i have made the most eye contact directly with..

feel my pain too?
do you know what its like to be hurt?
everything i do is scary,
my boyfriend now, hes super amazing, but now i always cry to him cause i'm afraid to loss him because he actually treats me like a good human being and shares respect...

please help please.
remember we all have our stories.