I just never thought...

Akee

Today is October 25, 2011.
55 days ago, I said "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend." to this guy whom I loved so much with all my heart.
Well, I had my heart broken with other guys before I met him, but when I fell for him, I was not afraid to take a chance again and faithfully hold on to the idea that everything will be alright. He somehow made my days so much brighter and for a month, everything went smoothly. Communication was there. Although we're not able to see each other everyday, we still send text messages to each other or sometimes talk to each other over the phone. And when we get the chance to see each other, every moment was the best. Full of sweetness and happiness and all that loving stuff. I loved him so dearly, and I can feel he does too. In short, everything was going great.

But after the first month, things start to fell apart. He can now resist up to two days without texting or calling me. Sometimes, he won't answer my text messages or calls. I would just be simply ignored, but still, I tried to understand and considered the fact that maybe, "He was busy."

So days past, he hardly had time for me. He seldom texts me or calls me. Setting meet-ups became so hard as he always say he has things to do. But then again, I patiently understood.

A couple weeks after, we were able to see each other. And you won't even imagine the look in my eyes when I finally got to see him. I was so happy at that time, that I can't take my eyes off of him. Although the sad part is when I look at him, somewhere deep down, I can feel something has changed with him. I can feel this cold unusual feeling I never had from him before. But I just shrugged it off thinking that maybe he's just not into the mood or whatever.

But then, I was starting to notice something different between the two of us. I'm starting to think he's not into anymore but I just hated that thought so I never let that idea cross my mind anymore. Until one day, we had a fight.

I was so hoping that we can spend our second month celebration together but he said he can't be with me at that time. So I lost all the patience there is and furiously asked what is going on.

At first, he said it was about time and priorities. But I never believed that. I can feel that there's still something. So I asked him what else.

Then it struck me when he said, "I feel I don't love you anymore and that we should not be together."

The scenario 55 days ago and all the sweetness and the love there is suddenly flashed into my mind, and my mind kept on asking "Why??" "How did this happened??". But sadly, I wasn't able to get any answers from him. So I just asked, simply asked, "Should I be letting you go now?" I know it's a stupid question, but I was thinking that if he would say "No, we'll work it out" (which is like 25 out of 100% chance by the way) I would agree and still work it out. Because honestly, that's how much I truly love him. I sacrificed lots of things before, and I'm willing to do it again.

I wish I could say this was one of those breakup-makeup stories we sometimes read about, but it's not.
When I asked if everything was over between the two of us, at first he can't answer. He kept on saying "I don't know". But later on, he just said, "Yes maybe, this is over. It's over between the two of us."

It was the most heart-breaking moment of my life. I don't even want to recall how I cried that night, and the nights after that.
I had lots of questions going through my mind, but unfortunately, no one's gonna answer them anymore. I wanted him back but there's nothing I can do. I'm really not sure if I'll ever love this way again in the future, but I hope I will.
Love is still the sweetest feeling there is, but you just have to make sure both of you feels it...at the right time..and the right place..

Maybe we're not meant to be. Or maybe not now. Maybe I did something wrong, or maybe it's just him. Who knows? But one thing I'm sure of, is that I have to be strong and learn from this. So that the next time I fall in love..hopefully it would last.