First Love

David

Before sharing this story with all readers, I want to assure everyone that every detail in this story is 100% real and factual, hence while it may not be as tragic or coincidental as other stories, it reflects the pain and suffering love brings to us on an every day basis in real life. And, lastly, THANK YOU so much for reading this.

PART 1: How we met

I made it through elementary school, high-school, and half of college without having met someone I would consider the ONE, my soul mate, or anything else along those lines. Don't get me wrong, I've had crushes every now and then, some of which even ended up becoming really serious and deep, but nothing could compare to the day I met her.

It was a late summer night, me and my best friend were waiting at the bus stop in downtown (on a rather shady/ghetto/scarier side of downtown). There, we bumped into a girl (around our age, a little younger) who were also waiting. A little chit chat started between us, and soon enough we were all on the bus and chatting, slowly getting the feel for each other, breaking the ice. After that night, my friend told me he is interested in the girl we met, and, having asked for her number on the bus during the previous night, have set up a hang out night with her. Since it would've been awkward if it was just alone, she wanted him to bring a friend while she would bring 1 of her friends.

Having made a previous arrangement with another party before hand, I apologized for not being able to make the dinner, but told them I could come if they decide to do anything after dinner. Sure enough, after dinner, they all decided to go walk around one of the busier shopping streets in downtown. Once I arrived, the my friend introduced me once more to the girl he likes (the one on the bus), and then introduces me to her friend. I wouldn't exactly call it love at first sight by any means, but there was definitely a growing amount of interest inside me for her. Her name is Rachel. The night went well, and I even got her number. Texting her was the main highlight of my life for the next week or so. Around this time, my friend and the girl he likes, Jane, weren't doing so well and their relationship was going no where, mainly because Jane is always so busy with her friends (mostly guys) and summer job.

Having told my friend of my growing interest in Rachel, he vowed to help me out since he met her before I did, hence is a bit more close/familiar with her. Summer went by quicker than i thought, but Rachel and I became extremely close. We met frequently, almost 3-4 times a week, and texting was almost a daily ritual. It seemed like, even though I had parents who loved me, friends who cared for me, she was the main reason I wake up during the morning, and sleep happily at night after the "good night, talk to u tmr:)" texts I would receive from her. She was an extremely strong willed, intelligent, and caring person. She would always be laughing as I would crack jokes, sometimes directed at her. She would always let me have a choice of where to eat, what to do, even though I constantly ask her to make the choices. She would get angry at me if I try to pay for our meals or movie tickets. Above all else, when we walk around on the streets or in the malls, I felt so proud and just so happy to have her beside me, knowing that of all the guys around us, I'm the one she wants. Call me innocent, call me naive, but I've never held a girl's hands while walking (other than my cousins and moms when I was a kid). She was my first. I was so nervous at the time, but it felt so nice and soft and I literally debated on whether or not to wash my hands afterwards.

I also found out alot of interesting things about her. Turns out we come from completely different worlds. Me, growing up in a overly caring family, a typical white picket fence with a golden retriever type of childhood, having gone to the best high school in the city as well as receiving a scholarship to a top university in the country. Her, with many misunderstanding and fights in her family, having to drop back in school in order to work and support her self. All this made me like her even more and, most importantly, I now want to help her with anything in her life. I want to be a positive, shining star in her otherwise darkening life.

All was going well, for me at least, until reality sinked in. I forgot to mention before; I was only back for the summer for a school break. I transferred schools to a school overseas a year ago. Summer was ending fast and my time with her was quickly winding down. On our last meeting together, it felt like we were meant to be; everything went so smoothly. When it was time to drop her off, something happened to me in my life that I once thought could only happen in films. As you can guess by now, I never ever had been kissed by a girl or kissed a girl. What happens next, she leaned over the seat and kissed me, soft and quick, on the cheeks. As I turn around to face her, our lips touched ever so softly, for a brief but amazing moment. She then told me we will talk each day over the internet and she will be waiting for me when I come back. I looked at her, and even though it was dark in my car, I saw a stream of tears down her cheeks. She sniffs her nose, laughs it off, and gives me 1 last hug before leaving my car to her house.

PART 2: Long Distance

Some say long distance is a test of how much couples really love each other. Most say it is perhaps the toughest test to pass of all. So many thoughts raced through my mind as I waited for my flights (3 transfers in total), fearful of losing her, while still excited from her goodbye kiss. Having calculated that it would be almost 8 months before I would return again, I had constant butterflies in my stomach.

Once school started for me, we constantly chatted over facebook, MSN messenger, emails, skype, pretty much every method of talking. In some ways I think we spoke to each other more during Long D than we would have if I stayed. I never looked at a single girl, only having her in my heart, mind, and eyes.

Time is cruel, time is a killer. While time didnt exactly kill/ended us, it slowed us down, cooling our burning flame of love and infatuation. Well, cooled down her flame of love. Mine was still burning strong. 4 months into our long distance chatting, things cooled down. The romance and flirtiness in her messages disappeared, and chatting became more like 2 old friends filling each other up on their lives. Daily conversations turned into 3-4 times/week, then became weekly at some points. To be completely honest, although I was saddened by all of this, I was still quite busy with school so it didn't sink in as much. Around the 6.5-7 month period, I noticed something strange. She is an avid facebook user, so there were also thousands of wall posts and activities daily. However, during the 7th month, her facebook completely died down. Her wall disappeared, and it appeared as if she totally abandoned it.

Final: Reality

I was both excited and nervous for my return. I wasn't sure how much we've drifted off during the 8 months, and I was extremely fearful that she met another guy. I called her immediately after I landed, and the phone conversation was typical, nothing spectacularly good. My friend, who I told to update me about her as much as he can while I was gone, really didn't give me anything during the time, so I figured he lost interest in m relationship with Rachel.

One night, he came over and we were watching some TV. After receiving a call, he talked sweetly on the phone for around 2-3 hours on my balcony. Fearing for him to catch a cold, I went out to give him a blanket to warm up. I overheard "no, I'm at his house right now". Thinking it was a friend of ours, I asked him who it was after. He replied it was someone new he met while I was away, since I didn't recognize the number or anything. I felt strange on why he would say "his house" to someone who probably doesn't even know me.

I met Rachel a couple of times, but I felt really strange around her. She didn't laugh as much, and she always had to go early for different things. Something felt wrong.

One night, at my friends place, we were playing video games with a bunch of other buddies. Wanting to check my email on his laptop, it was on his facebook private message page. My eyes fell upon 5-6 facebook messages between Rachel and my friend. Feeling dizzy, I cliked Rachel's facebook page. It was busy and covered with new posts and updates. I logged into my facebook, went to her page, and it was still not updated from 4 months ago. It then hit me that she blocked me from seeing her actions.

More confused about her blocking over my friends messages with her, I set up a date with her a couple of days later to find out the truth behind everything. It was then she told me how she has become extremely close with my friend after I left, even though she felt extremely guilty because she liked me so much while I was there. She blocked me from her facebook page because she didn't want me to worry while i was studying overseas. She told me she rejected my friend when he asked her out because of her guilt towards me. Hearing all this, I angrily phoned my friend on my way back, asking why he kept it all a secret from me. After a long talk, my heart was completely destroyed but somehow, what hurt me more was her sadness and guilt. It outweighed my sadness.

After some thought, I told her I had no problems with her dating my friend. I love her so much that, even though it felt like a thorn in my heart every time I see them together, I would still be OK as long as shes happy. I just wished for her happiness, no matter who she is with. Due to my selfishness of not wanting to lose her, I pretended to be totally OK and we still hung out frequently, the 3 of us. One night, driving back, they started snuggling and kissing in the backseat. The radio started playing a song, which sounded extremely familiar. It turned out to be the same song that was playing when I drove her home on our last date before I left for school.

Completely overwhelmed, my mind fought my eyes not to look at the review mirror or to let tears form and stream down, while my heart pulled my eyes other way, just to see her. It was perhaps the toughest drive I ever had. I don't know if she heard me sniffling or not, but my eyes caught hers for the briefest of moments on my review mirror. The girl whose hands were the 1st I've felt. The girl who gave me my first kiss. The girl I was ready to give everything for. Kissing another guy.

When I got home that night, I received an email from her. She told me she knows how badly she's hurt me, and she told me it was so hard and confusing for her as her heart slowly sided with my friend while I was gone. She thanked me for all I did for her and told me she still wanted to be good friends with me.

I decided to move on with my life afterwards. I still had to leave for school in a couple of weeks anyway, and I didn't want to go through the pain of seeing her with another person ever again.
My first love ended up like this. How will I ever fall in love again?