loosing a loved and boyfriend

terri-jo linklater

one day i met up with a really nice looking guy that looked like the boy i met when i was younger and i found out that was him and we stared hanging out and it was love at first sight , started going out for almost a year probably about 11 and a half months between those months i lost a good friend , she had committed suicide , broke my heart and couldnt stop crying until i would see him , i kept my head high for him , just to see him happy every day . probably around new years (09) i went to his house while he was babysitting his little cousin , and before i left his house i kept on telling him " i love you soo much " and he kept on telling me " i love you more " , and he came up to me and made out for awhile felt like my life was never going to end with out him. so after wards that year , we had fun , i was gunna tell him im ready .. to loose it , but i found out he was going out with his second cousin and he lost it to her and loved her .. i found out and went to him and started crying saying " why?! why did you do this to meee! i loved you soo much and you broke my heart ... broke up for good but we never stopped loving eachother .. and he was going out with his cousins sister and i drank and i was really down , i numbed the pain but i had that feeling that someones cousin was going to try to take my virginity so i ignored it and he ended up and regreted it and told the one that i really loved and trusted . i told him i was planning to loose it to him and he was shocked that i wanted to loose it to him , so i ended up kissing him while he was going out with hes second cousins younger sister which she's cheated on him for 2 boys and their on and off so he said he couldnt take it and i told him ill always be there for you and i wont stop loving you , ended up making out and almost fooled around in his house while i was buzzing from my drink , so afterwards i didnt bother with him and i lost another good friend harold , and i went crying to him again and he told me the same thing " ill always be here for you no matter what" and ended up kissing him , then almost went out but didnt want it to happen because he was with her and didnt want her to be sad .. couple of months later the biggest thing happend another but best friend committed suicide haven .. just mad me cry soo hard , i cant forget all those memories , his girlfriend was her best friend too and i didnt want anything to do with him anymore .. but i still loved him and on the day now i still do and we talk he lends me smokes and he's a really good friend .. we talk but his gf's saying " she's trying to get close to you" he's getting annoyed but still loves her .. im going on with my life .. tryed committing suicide but i ended up getting help and getting shipped out later on .. but i got no more thoughts of it , sober and clean life , taking my culture in , and staying single , better to be single and when i fell in love that was my second time but the first was alright and moved on and found him .. just going to go on with life , because i know someone's out there for me waiting until i get older ..