The Beginning of a Beautiful Realization

Sammie D.

In everyone's life, they want to learn to fall in love and feel like they are floating on air. I meet this one guy, David, in 9th grade. I'm not gonna type and say how he was so nice and so sweet and blah blah blah. He was not like the other guys, he wasn't with me because I was beautiful or because I was nice, and he was with me because he saw something in me no one else saw. He was religious and was a true believer in his religion. When I first meet him, he was that one guy no one wanted to date because of his weight, but underneath him, there was this amazing helpful person. Through my middle school years, I went through a lot of drama, not so much social drama though. I had my hamster die, my grandpa, my great great aunt, my dog, my great great uncle, and my best friend die. I felt lost and hopeless, and I felt like nothing could help me find a way out of my depression. I was lost, I was going to a private high school to get away from social drama, so that meant leaving all my friends, and having to start all over again with my social life, but I have A.D.D and a social anxiety, which makes it extremely difficult to make friends, and talk to people. My life at home with my family wasn't too good either and I had no one to talk to, I started cutting myself. One of the times I did almost killed me.

I loved going to school because I felt safe there and everyone there cared for me and they would cheer me up whenever I was sad. David was in my biology class, we meet because I was dating his best friend at the time but we only dated a week, me and David's friend. I was a little sad that I couldn't keep a steady relationship, and then David got my number from my best friend and texted to talk to me and see if I was okay. Talking to him made me feel good like I had someone to talk to who would listen. After a couple months, David and I became close friends, and we had those horny teenager conversations, you know the ones about boobs, butts, and sex. But I was never the girl who would talk about stuff like that to anyone, after a while David was able to break me out of my protective shell. Then the night of our homecoming dance, well not really a dance just a get-together basically, he pulled me over to the side and told me he had feelings for me that he couldn't hide anymore. He told me he liked me more than a friend, but he wanted to know if I felt the same way, which I did, I told him I felt the same way. Then he asked me out 3 days after the homecoming dance, and I couldn't remember a day I was happier. I just remember after he called and asked me if I wanted to go to the home football game with him, after a movie and dinner, jumping around my room. I had never felt happier in my life. Every minute on that date I spent with him, I felt like I couldn't breathe and like I was floating every step I took. Every day I was with him, my life seemed like it got better, and every day I fell more and more in love with him.

I remember the first day we kissed; we were in his little secret attic that is in his closet. He pulled me close to him and leaned in close to me and kissed me softly on the lips. When I opened my eyes, I saw his eyes staring at mine sparkling. I could never forget the way his eyes sparkled when they looked at me. Every day, I would look at him during bio, to see if his eyes would sparkle again. It wasn't until he kissed me again did I see his eyes sparkle again. Then after dating for over a month, we started to make out like all teens do and our conversations got dirtier. He still cared about me and helped me with my depression even though it was gone, and any time I would cry, he would to say to me, "Awh sweetie don't cry. I hate it when your sad." then over fall break while he was at a wedding in California, I got a photo from him, and he carved our initials into a red wood tree, and took a picture and sent it to me saying, and I quote, "it will be there forever, just like you and me." Then when he got back from the wedding, he gave me a necklace, a silver necklace; it had a key on it with a bunch of roses carved into it. I wore that necklace every day reminding me that he cared about me.

Then during the half time of one of the football games we went to, he walked me over into this romantic grassy area, hidden from everyone's view. He laid down in the grass and so did I. then he said to me, "Sammie, we've been together for a long time, and I think we should go to the next level." he then rubbed me and touched my boobs and all over, you know the sex scenes before the sex, and then he took his penis out, yes it had a boner. and he asked me to give him a hand job, I was unsure what was going on, so I didn't do it at first, and then he laid down on top of me and whispered in my ear, Sammie I love you. That just made me melt so, I gave him a hand job, then my phone rang, and I found out my dad was looking for me because the game ended. I would never forget that day, I told myself. A couple weeks later, there was so drama going on, we weren't talking like we always did, and he never gave me a hug after biology, and he wouldn't talk to me during school but he said to me drama isn't going to break us apart, its only going to make us stronger.

Then on Monday, November 7th, he finally texted me and said I need to talk to you, I thought it was because I didn't ignored him today. So he called me and said "hey I know this last week has been hard for you and me, but I think I have found a way to fix this, I've been praying to god to help me talk to you about this, but I think Sammie we need to break up. I can't be with you because I care more about my friends than I do for you." I just was quite on the phone because I didn't want him to hear I was crying. He asked if I was okay, and I barely managed to get out the words yeah I'm fine, then I hung up. I remember walking to my room, sitting in front of my dresser, and just balling. I felt like someone ripped my heart out and I just didn't know what to do. I was alone again, with no one to talk to and no one to help me. I wanted to just dig a hole to cry and die in. No one was home, so I had to deal with my grief alone. After crying for over an hour, my mom finally came home, and I remember running to her with mascara all over my face and tears all over my checks. My phone was blowing up in the background with people commenting on my relationship status on Facebook, asking if I was okay and what happened.

The next day at school, I couldn't look at anyone without crying and almost everyone was giving me hugs and or chocolate. David came up to me and asked me if I still wanted to be friends and I said yes. I left him alone and gave both of us space. two weeks later, people started giving me crap about how he was saying bad things about me, so I confronted him after bio class, and then he yelled at my face and said we couldn't be friends because my friends don't like him and his friends don't like me. This doesn't make sense, because we hang out with the exact same people. And then he yelled at me saying he never wants to hear my voice or see my face talking to him again. And that just killed me, inside and out, I never like to cry in front of people, but that was the only time I did cry in front of my friends. With all the crap he said to me, and all the shit he put me through, I can still never get over the fact he can rip a girls heart without shredding a single tear. The one thing that I will never do again is fall in love with a person who knows your weaknesses and knows you from inside out. Never trust someone who changes you, even if you don't see yourself changing, and listen to your friends if they tell you he's not right for you.