She left. Again.

kitty

People tend to say I'm mature for my age, appearance and mentally, it's true, I suppose, but I wish it wasn't, I want to be young and fun again. I don't really have much to be sad about, I have a comfortable house, a good family and a group of fun friends, people also say I always put others first and I'm a really nice person. Shut up. Just shut up and be quiet, what on earth did i do? It wasn't like that before, before i met you Sam. I'm pretty sure you know I'm in love with you, but you still tell me how 'this chicks really hot, i think this girls sexy.' Yeah, i get that they are all beautiful girls, anyone would like them. But they are not there for like i am.

I get to act like a two year old around you, only you, because you know everything, even that I love you (I just haven't told you yet.) you know about my pain addiction and you know all my insecurities, I know all yours or most of them, what wont you tell me?

Right, that's not the actual story, so I'll get on with it; I met Sam on a camp, a five day camp, when I saw him I thought he was beautiful, hes tall and strong, he had gorgeous eyes and I die every time he smiles, we started talking a bit because we were in the same group, we got closer and by the end of the five days I was dead in love with him, the only problem was he was dead in love with another girl from the same camp, when he told me I was crushed, but I still told him go for it, I'd be his wing-woman and she was perfect. She liked someone else and they got together before the end of the five days. He was broken and hurt, I wanted to comfort him, and tried, but nothing worked.

We left, he lived in a small beach-side town about three hours away, we still talked on Facebook and text, but I began to miss him so much it hurt. He got a girlfriend he loved deeply, and i got a boyfriend I had a little high-school-girl crush on, nothing special. She dumped him and broke his already broken heart, my boyfriend dumped me just after my Granddad died from a brain tumor, I loved my Granddad, but i couldn't cry, I still can't. Sam got more and more upset, i wanted to be there to help him, but it's me, i can't do much. Then the girl from camp moved to Germany, and his old girlfriend moved to England. We didn't talk for a while, then we found out that we were going on the same camp again together, I was happy, but I still had my cutting addiction and i was still going out and drinking with friends (I'm fifteen) when i saw you again I was so happy, i felt my heart fill up and i could smile properly, we had a long talk and I found out that you had cut your wrists, they had hurt you so much. A few days later you told me you liked one of the girls there, I don't want it to turn out like the last time, but I couldn't say no to you when you asked me to help.

Both girls said no, they couldn't see you the same way I do. Sam I'm so sick of you getting hurt because of girls who don't treat you right, but I'm not the girl for you, I'm not the girl for anyone. I don't deserve that happiness, and if I ever did get it, I would give it all to you. Sam I love you, I know I'm young and so are you, but it's still a very genuine feeling, your the one who makes it all go away, all the pain and corrupted emotion, the thing you leave is happiness, I wish i could do that for you to.