WHY?? another broken heart...i just dont get!!!

undervover22

everyone thinks that being a teen is awesome...but what they dont realize is all the drama and heartbreaks there are, i know from experience. i was dating this guy named john, he was the most amazing guy i have ever met. we dated for a while and then he ended it.the worst thing of it all was he broke up with me on the day 9/11. from the time i woke up that morning i was telling everyone that something bad was going to happen...but never did i think that something bad was going to happen to me. well he ended it and then i fount out that the girl that was suppose to be my friend was dating him....THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE !!! i got really depressed and started cutting my wrist. while we were dating i told him that if anything would ever come between us that i would always love for him,die for him,fight for him,bleed for him, and always have a place in my heart and life for him. when he dump me i felt like i just wanted to die...if i wasn't with him then i shouldn't deserve to live...he was my world and if i don't have my world there isn't a place for me in this world. everyday i would cut myself more and more and i would watch blood flow down my arms just knowing that i didn't have a good enough family that would be there for me and help me, but i was wrong. there was this one time i slit my wrist open...by the time my brother walked in, blood went everywhere and i dropped to the floor.i felt like my heart was stopping, and i could see everything turning black and fading away.i couldn't breath and it was like i was gasping for my last breath of air. i couldn't remember anything.i had not known what i had done until i woke up in a hospital with my brother by my side my mom at my feet and my dad next to me asking why i did what i did. i was so confused and lost and didn't know what he was talking about.i went to raise up and it felt like my arm was getting stabbed with 10,000 million knifes...i remembered what i was doing just not what happened while i was cutting my wrist. i didn't say a thing because i thought i would get in trouble...or get put in a mental institution for that matter. my parents left the room and it was just me and my brother. my bro had told me that he loved me because he almost lost me. he said by the time i got to the hospital, i lost so much blood that i could feel like 20 glasses up with it. i never knew that i would've gotten this bad.my brother looked at me in the eye and said,,,,why did you do it...how come you cut your wrist...why are you so depressed all the time...please tell me...sissy i don't want you to leave me....i know we argue sometimes but you cant leave. i want to teach you so many things and listen to your laugh again...but i just cant let you go...sissy i love you. well my bro told me that he would be right back..he left and came back with a surprise. when he walked back through that door i wanted to rip my heart out...standing before my eyes was john. i wanted to be put out of my misery. my bro said he would give us some alone time...i couldn't believe it and i busted into tears. i told him i want to here what he had to say.he got tears to his eyes...and grabbed my hand and said..."""""boo live you...i never meant to hurt you, me and ashlin aren't dating....the truth is i have been keeping something from you from the first time i met you....and...i have leukemia. i had to end it somehow because i didn't want to leave you with me dead...i am very sick...but the most thing I'm sick of is sick of not being with you...you are the reason i get up every morning...your are my smile and your my best friend...it'll kill me more to live without you than leukemia taking me away piece by piece. I'm here today to say I'm sorry...if i wouldn't have did what i did you wouldn't have almost died or cut your wrist....but you did keep your word and i love you so much words cant even describe it. I'm also here today because i need you in my life...i cant live without you at all....your my world and i will always love for you,die for you,fight for you,bleed for you, and always have a place in my heart and life for you"""""......he used the exact same words that i did for him and i new we were meant to be together...i told him""""" look boo, i don't even know what to say cause i don't even see why you didn't tell me in the first place....I'm just so scared I'm going to lose you for good(i was crying)....you see it almost killed me because i knew i couldn't be with you...and im speechless...yes john i still love and i always will but im just so scared of whats going to happen when you die""""" he made me promise him that if he were to die tomorrow that i couldnt do anything because one day my time will end and he will be waiting for me at heavens gates
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
i love you john,
your my boo,
now that your gone,
I'm waiting for you.