so close, yet so far

Minnie

Every girl has that one guy she has always fantasize about being with. He was just that guy....and no matter how hard I try to forget him, he always reappears. I met him at the age of 7, my cousins introduced us and like kids we would play together. Hide and go seek seemed to be the one we resorted to the most though. I have always been afraid of being alone because I grew up with a lot of siblings therefore I was use to having someone with me. As my cousin counted down for us to run, I hesitated and everyone ran off. Then I remember feeling a warm gentle hand, he grabbed me and we started running off to hide. And that is where my love for him began. I wasn't ever the attractive girl, all and all my sister would outshine me. I had very low self esteem before and was always picked on. I never had the courage to tell him that I liked him...and I realize it was too late when one day I went to my cousin's house and found out that his next door neighbor had moved away....

I was still a young girl, and did not fully understood feelings I was sad but moved on. He still lingered deep down in my heart somewhere though, maybe it was because he was my first love..... Middle school came about, and that's when I saw him again. A few years has gone by now but he still looks like I remembered him too. My first instincts was to approach him and greet him and as I was nearing in, he looked at me strangely then walked away. I was hurt, did he not recognize me? We played together for a whole summer, but maybe I was the only one that could never forget him. He was an outstanding athlete, his favorite sports were hockey and volleyball though and I would sit through his games and cheer him on...One day after the game was over I made up my mind and built up all my courage to talk to him and as I walked up I saw him holding hands with a girl. MY heart sank, I quickly turned around and headed home. She was one of the popular girls in the school, she was short and cute and every guy practically loved her..I then realize I had no chance to be with him, such a beautiful face with a normal girl like me. In the final year of middle school, I have went through the dating scene but none lasted more than 3months. In my heart somehow, I always wanted him to be with me, it was a unrequited one-sided love story. But when i walk pass him in the hallways, he always has these looks in his eyes that make me think that maybe he wants to talk to me too. I decided that I would be happy, I would live happy and never think of him again..I would move on. Well it finally came my chance to get away from him, I wanted to stop seeing him. I decided to go to a high school further away from home and in that way I was able to avoid him all together. I went happily away to this highschool, i made a lot of great friends and even dated. Again nothing lasted more than 3 months, I was considered cold-hearted by the boys I abandoned. 2 years into that highschool, I decided i needed to go back to the highschool near home. I didn't want to admit that the real reason i wanted to go back was to see him, I always told myself it was because I was tired of taking the bus to school...

Finally I was close to him again, yet it seemed that he still hasn't notice me. I was so happy he was in my math class, I finally have a chance to talk to him. So one day I decided to sit next to him. We finally had a conversation going, and turns out he did remember me. He always been meaning to talk to me but thought I was being a snob and ignoring him. I was so happy that night when i got home that i couldn't go to sleep, I couldn't wait to see him the next day...When I came the next day he wasn't in class, I figured he was sick. So i waited the next day, and the next day turned into a week and a week turned into a month...Then I found out that him and his family has moved out of the country, his father had landed a job in the states...

I missed my opportunity to ever be with him, all because I was too shy. Never let your love get away, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Don't wait, just go for it..A moment of embarrassment is better than a life time of regret. And like dust in the wind, he was gone.