Behind Blue Eyes..

Dannielle

It was night time on the lake in Michigan, on the fourth of July, where the girl stood crying in the sand as she watched the beautiful fireworks sparking up all around her. Although she wasn't quite sure why, she was sad. Homesick, maybe. She had been in Michigan for about a week now and tomorrow she would have her eleventh birthday away from her South Carolina home. She loved being with her friends in Michigan, but she missed her own family.

Leah dried up her cries, and went to sleep that night, only to awaken to the news that her uncle had died. It was her eleventh birthday, and here she was, in Michigan, finding out that her Uncle Scott back in South Carolina had drowned the night before. She broke.

She hated everything, everyone. Her parents sent her to live with family friends because they couldn't fix her. She lashed out harder, cutting herself deeper, wearing dark eyeliner, getting sent out of classes, she even tried ending her own life. Anything to hide from the pain.

Then one day, when Leah was 15, she met this guy. He was so sweet, with beautiful blue eyes like her Uncle's had been. His name, as well, was Scott. Leah and Scott started dating, and he loved her very much. Would do anything for her. But her own insecurities crept in, and they started arguing everyday. Leah refused to lose another "Scott", after losing her uncle. She wanted to keep him close forever, but the boy loved her too much than she felt she deserved. She started lashing out at him, and he lashed out in return. After a year of dating, she finally decided that they needed time apart, so she went to spend time with her cousin.

While at her cousin's house, Leah came upon this beautiful guy. He was 21, and she was 16. He showed interest in her, and she instantly felt a connection with him. He was a broken soul, though he would never admit it, and she loved that about him. She broke up with Scott a few days later, and pursued a relationship with Jace.

Jace was perfectly imperfect. She loved him. Adored him, even. Leah started realizing that the only reasons she was so bound to Scott was because she enjoyed saying that name on a daily basis, because he filled the void she felt from losing her uncle. She never truly loved Scott the way he had loved her. But Jace was different. He was beautiful. More beautiful than anything she had ever seen, inside and out, but he was scared of himself and she knew it.

Leah treasured Jace like her ex-boyfriend had treasured her, but that wasn't enough for the broken spirited boy. He didn't know how to love, nor did he know how to accept it. He didn't want Leah. He wanted any easy girl he could have, but not Leah, she was too hard. She knew him too well.
Jace cheated on her numerous times, but she always took him back. She thought that maybe if she kept trying and pushing, he would love her back. But he wasn't able to, and a few months later, they finally broke up.

Leah felt broken and used and disgusting. She had truly loved this boy, and he had broken her deep within her soul. She turned to drugs, alcohol, and partying to numb her pain, the pain that she had thought was gone. When Jace was good, he was great, and just one day of opening up and letting her in made up for all the pain she endured from him. But he had left her now, and she wasn't herself anymore, she was this new girl. This party girl.
At one of these parties, she hooked up with this guy and forgot all about it, until two weeks later, when she got a text from Jace.
It had been one of his best friends that was at the party with Leah and Jace had found out. Although they had ended things, she still cared about him, and was completely distraught that he was mad and hurt because of her. She felt stupid and low.
Jace forgave her, like she had done for him so many times. She felt unworthy of his love, but God she loved him so much, he was so beautiful. So soft on the inside, but so tough on the outside. Jace's spirit was like the exact replica of her Uncle Scott's, and she was addicted to him. He was her drug and he knew it. So they got back together.
He treated her like gold, and she melted deep inside everytime he would look at her, kiss her, say her name. Leah was in love with Jace. So dumbly in-love with him, and so desperately needed to have him as her's and only hers, once and for all.
Leah moved into her cousin's house so she could see Jace more, and Jace moved in as well shortly after. Everything was perfect for Leah. She felt completely whole again, like there was finally nothing else missing in her life..
And then it happened. That moment where you walk in a room and completely lose your stomach. You see what you don't want to see, you figure out what you never wanted to figure out. It all happened at once; her stomach dropped and the blood rose to her face all in an instant.

She had walked in on Jace and Dawn, her cousin. Her cousin that she would have died for, would have. Leah's heart snapped in half. How could she do this to me? To Leah, her own blood. How could Jace? Leah had thought they both loved her, when all along they were going behind her back. She felt stupid, and broken, but she never once showed it. She left. Went back to her parent's house and never spoke to either of them again.But she needed something to numb this pain. Jace had been her cure, and now he had broken her completely, so where could Leah go from here?
She turned back to drugs. Harder drugs. Numbing drugs. Drugs that made her forget, that made her ache go away, that made her not care anymore. She was now coping with the loss of her uncle, who had died five years ago, as well as losing two loves due to her own stupidity. But Leah soon tired of that life, and on her own she quit using.

She realized that her uncle is dead. He's not coming back. It's been five years, and she's tired of feeling sorry for herself, and plus, he would kick her ass if he knew what all she had been doing. And as for the Jace and Scott, she forbid herself to go back to either one. She wanted to work on herself this time.
Now, Leah hurts. And as she recollects these events, her blue eyes cry, and she feels, and she loves, and she hates. She has emotions, and she is proud of them, because this is her true self. She is coping with things in her own way and on her own time, single, free, and clean of drugs. So as she cries, she smiles, and behind her blue eyes, she feels herself being pieced back together again.