The Feeling Inside

Shiloh

There's a feeling inside me that makes me sad. It's called heartbreak. I used to be able to fall asleep at night without thinking of anyone. I used to be able to sleep without dreaming. I used to be able to sleep through a whole night without waking up. All those days were before I met you, before I broke your heart and mine all at the same time. Now I think of you before I sleep, I dream about you now and then, and almost every night I wake up at some point and get that super sad feeling. That feeling let's me know that I'm still missing you. Every damn day. I keep hoping for something that will never happen. I still want something I will never have. I have to move on, but moving on is so hard when you can't let go. And I'm still holding on even though you've let go so many times.

I just don't know how to move forward. There is a huge part of me that wants and needs to let you go, but the tiny little part that still needs you is somehow winning this battle. The battle between my heart and my mind. It's hard to let go of something you might not have had to begin with, but it's damn near impossible to let go of something you have wanted for so damn long.

Everything inside me is screaming out for help. I need someone to rescue me, someone to be my hero. I'm waiting for the day when I'm no longer shattered in a million pieces. I want a time to come, when I can go a day without the sadness in me. I can't breathe when you're around me. I'm holding my breath waiting, for another piece of me to break. I can't change the past and I can't take back what I've done. All I can do is try to move on and hope that you do too. So that is what I hoped for and it's exactly what I got. You moved on just fine the only problem is I'm still left behind. I don't know where to go from here, how do I move on, what if the grass isn't greener on the other side. All I know is that I can't hide, I have to stop running away from my fears. Running from all the screw-ups that I made. I have to stop waiting for something that will never happen. It's too late to go back now. So I'm done running and I'm done waiting.