Falling out of love..

natalie

Hi, my name is natalie. you can call me Nat. Here is my story.

August 22, 2010. Me and my classmate went to our school gym. There were some festivities coming up in our town. Our school always joins. So a few of my classmates joined the school dance troupe. I for one was not in any way joining. I don't like dancing, I never did, and I never will. Anyway, as we went to the gym my friend asked me "Hey nat, ever thought of falling in love?" I smiled and simply said "No, I don't believe in love".
When we reached the school gym it was packed with students watching the troupe rehearsing. Some were just standing, some were sitting on the bleachers. We wanted to talk to our classmates after the rehearsal. So we sat on the bleachers and waited. The dancers changed their positions, the music changed and suddenly the dancers were standing on a basket doing well.. the chicken dance. Me and my friend Ally laughed our asses off. But then I suddenly stopped laughing. Someone caught my eyes, He was wearing a black shirt and white shorts. He was smiling and laughing, it looked like he had no care in the world. I don't usually use pick up lines but damn. At that moment I could really say that something was wrong with my eyes, it seems that I can't take my eyes off of him. He was tall, strong, every inch of his body was perfection. His face was like an angel. and no I'm not exaggerating. He really was the guy you'd call perfect. After the dance was over we went to where our classmates sat. I couldn't focus on our little chitchat. I kept eyeing the guy I saw. I don't usually tell my friends who my crushes are but I couldn't help it. I cut in to their conversation "Hey, who's the guy wearing the black shirt and white shorts?" I asked. "Mason. why? you have a crush on him don't you?" Ty teased, I asked "why? is it obvious?". "Yeah, pretty much all the girls here have an instantaneous crush on him". Great I thought now I have so many competition.

Later that night, I still kept thinking of him. I asked why? why can't I get him out of my head no matter how many times I distract my self he's still on my mind. The next morning, Ally realized that something was bugging me. She asked "Hey honey, you okay?" "No. Al, remember the guy who was wearing black yesterday at the gym? His name is Mason. I need to ask you a favor". I asked her if she could do a little research on Mason. And so she did. The next time I saw her she was in the school cafeteria, "Al! where have you been?!?!" I tried to hide my anxiety but failed. " I was doing research just like you asked. His name is Mason, he transferred from *beep* to here. Oh, you better take me to a movie tonight cause I got the good stuff!" She said. " What good stuff?" I asked.. Then she said "His number. you should call him." I was like. THANK YOU LORD FOR GIVING ME ALLY!! but at the same time I'm like, are you nuts? I can't call him just yet?!?! That's a bit stalker-ish plus, he doesn't even know I exist.

(Let's skip a few parts) One day out of the blue, he called. Our conversation went like this:

Mason: Hi! uhmm is this Nat?
Me: (pretending like I didn't know who called) Uhmm yeah. who is this?
Mason: Mason, from bio?
Me: Oh! hey. What's up?
Mason: Nothing much, thought I should give you a call.
Me: Oh, that was nice.
Mason: Yeah, so uhmm listen nat. I was wondering, there's gonna be a concert this coming saturday and I bought two tickets and I thought.. you know you might want to come.
Me: (Holds scream) Uhhh.. this saturday?
Mason: Yeah.
Me: Sure I'd love to. Pick me up at 8.

I screamed my ass off after that. I mean who wouldn't?? The guy of you're dreams, asking you out on a date.

I was waiting for the clock to strike at 8. I tried out soooo many causual out fits. But ended up wearing skinny jeans and the bands t-shirt. The doorbell rang and my mom answered the door. My mom cried out (well not literally) "Nat, Mason's here" as I went down I said goodbye to my mom. Mason opened the door for me. As we drove, I realized we were going the other way. I asked "Hey, are we lost?". "There has been a change of plans. We'll still see the concert but later.". We went to a park outside of town. He led me too a playground.

Me: Why are we here?
Mason: Because, if we went to the concert this early you'd never hear what I have to say plus I'd never have the guts to say what I really wanna say... Oh great now I'm stuttering.
Me: Okey, then what is it?
Mason: Nat, I know you've only known me for how many months. But I need you too trust and believe everything I'm about to say.
Me: Okey....
Mason: A few months ago you may feel as if I don't know you. As if you don't know I exist. I'm sorry for that. But the truth is, I have known you for years. The first time I saw you, you were on a stage play in your school. Me and my mom watched. I had a crush on you ever since. My dad got promoted so he enrolled me in your school, uhhhh I guess what I'm saying is that... I think I'm in love with you. I now this is all so sudden to you I'm sorry. Every time I look at you, I just light up. Whenever I see you looking at me I always ask my self. Is she thinking of me? I-----
Me: Mason, shut up. Hahaha I love you too. The first time I saw you you were doing the chicken dance which I find quite amusing. I don't really believe in love, especially love at first site. But I told my self before, that if ever I do fall in love. I'll make sure that I'll give my heart to the man who made me believe in love at first sight. And guess what.. It's you.

After that night we started dating. I loved him I really do. Everyone could tell that we were both in love. But our relationship wasn't perfect. There were fight, tears, and many obstacles along the way. Heck, there were even times that i wanted to throw a brick at him. But I always come to realization that he's everything I want in life. I don't wanna fall for someone else. I can never find someone who'd be willing to wait for me. Someone who's first and last love is me. When I'm at the point where I'm about to throw that brick. The love I have for him reigns, so I put down that brick and try my hardest to understand him and to fix everything.

As of right now we have been dating two whole years. I left for college. I'm currently 167,749 miles away from him. We call each other everyday, Text, skype. We do everything to keep this relationship working, I know I love him but the more that I'm away, the more I realize, I am slowly falling out of love.. There is this empty void inside my heart that he can't even refill. Ever since I left I felt this, even when we see each other I feel as if he is still not there. I love him, but not like before. At some point I want to end things with him, but the other part of me, the high school-crazy-in-love version of me don't want to break up with him. I'm being torn apart by my-self. I love him but the feeling inside me is confusing. It's like my heart won't talk, I'm breaking. what should I do. Stay in a relationship that I am no longer happy, or leave and carry this heartache and do what I can to move one?