What you want the most.

Kevin

Its the thing that you want most in this world. That you just can't have. The thing you try hardest to find or get. And you feel like you can't reach it. Even though I'm young it's still something I want. I have best friends but its just guy relationships. That's not a real relationship. I want something that feels real. Someone not just to make out and have sex with. I want that close relationship that you feel when your with someone you really care about and that you know they care about you. I just want to feel loved and wanted. I've never felt that. I've had girlfriends but never felt that cause none of them were serious.

I just want that feeling you get when you've been with someone for a long time where when you try it just becomes natural and that I love to do it. Where I do things that make me work harder for someone else not cause I have to, cause I want to. Just when I wake up and have the feeling that someone cares about me is what I want. Just being able to joke around with someone and to look into their eyes and know that they care about you as much as you do. And know that they would do anything for you. Someone I can do stupid stuff with like have water gun fights in the middle of a house. Play tag with in Walmart like a 5 year old. Someone I can show how I care about them by giving them a 25 cent ring you get at a cicis arcade and they treat it with so much care. Someone I can hold their hand at random times. Someone I can throw stuff animals at or pillows when they're being dumber than I am. Someone I can bet kisses I will beat them at old video games and let them win. Someone I can talk to about anything. Someone I can share lollipops with and look up at the stars on a perfect night. Someone I will waste 10 dollars on disposable cameras so we can take silly pictures with and have an amazing time with. Someone who I will protect with all my might. I just want that specific feeling because I've never experienced it. And I just want it so badly.

And you have to understand how badly I want this feeling. Cause I mean I've never even felt the feeling that anyone truly loved me or even cared about me. But I don't deserve to have those feelings. I don't deserve that kind of happiness. And I've realized that and goodbye to the world that didn't give me the chance to experience the one thing I always wanted.