Whatever, Right?
Charlie
03 Jul, 2012 06:36 PM
If you listen to me speak, you'll never hear me say 'my home'. You won't hear me say that. You'll always hear me say my house. Home is where you feel most comfortable. House is where you live.
I feel most comfortable in my tae-kwon-do studio, so I call that my home.
My house, I get screamed, yelled at. All the blame is pushed upon me. It's always my fault. No one cares when I break down. I've learned to control that. I've learned to fake a smile, pretend I'm happy. Everywhere. then at night I sob about my depression into my stuffed pikachu. Sad? Yeah, it's pitiful, especially for a girl who acts so strong, like nothing fazes me. I feel sad and angry and depressed. But no, I can't tell my parents. They'll shrug it off, or yell at me for being too sensitive.
yes, my parents. Mother and Father maybe in writing. Mom and Dad in speaking. Mommy... Daddy... Mom and Dad. Sounds too nice. Too much like I love them. No, I love my Dad. I don't love my Mom. Yeah, I'm horrible, I know.
My mom limited me to only 2 nights a week staying till eight. I screamed. I cried. But not in front of her. I took my anger out in sparring. I was moving too fast for people to see me cry. I felt more at home at there, so I want to spend most of my time there. I told my mom that. She didn't ask why. Try to comfort me. All she said is "You reap what you sow".
I've told my best friends some of my problems. She cares, I think. But I don't bother her anymore.
The thing is, I don't know who likes me, and who doesn't. I feel lost, scared and alone. Like I'm on display.
I haven't had a boyfriend yet. Only one crush, and he's sixteen. I'm thirteen. I still like him now, not that he'll ever love me. But he hugs me, and acts sweet, so for now he'll be one of the best people in my life.
I haven't had a boyfriend yet. Every one of my friends have. One person gets a different boyfriend every week. No one likes me. No one ever will.
Whatever, right?
I act tough, because if I don't, I will crumble and fall.
Whatever, right?
Not like anyone would care.
My brother? He's annoying. He thinks he is funny. He thinks he's awesome. He thinks he's loving. He's not. He's not. He's not. He picks fights with me, thinks everything is my fault. I've come to believe that, actually. Yay. Much more, too, I won't get into.
My sister's nice, mostly. So I guess I'm good with her.
Whatever, right?
I'm always compared.
My singing's never as good.
My drawings are never as good.
Writing is never as good.
Everyone tells me how terrific she was at my age.
Really? And what about me?
Aren't I special, too?
But whatever, right?
I feel lost.
Hurt.
Scared.
Alone.
Depressed.
And now you're reading this and thinking how much of a crybaby I am. I guess you're right.
But whatever, right?
I listen to everyone's problems, try and help.
And I hope someone can see how dead I actually am.
But no one will.
Cause I'm not a memorable person. After you read this story, you'll go on to the next, and forget all about little me and my problems. Everyone does. I'm always shoved into the back corner. Maybe that's my home.
I've died. I've drowned in my own pitiful despair, hoping someone would care.
I've died.
I've been living death for a couple years now.
I've been becoming more snappy, more alone.
I've been dead.
But whatever, right?
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Comments
Post a Comment04 Dec, 2012 09:33 PM
Oh im sorry plz dont think so. u arent alone in this world
05 Dec, 2012 01:01 AM
hey i am so sorry for what is happening to you :( if you ever need some to talk to and care about you my email is wallacem48@gmail.com
05 Dec, 2012 02:45 AM
i'm sorry, i promise i will never forget u, the same thing happens to me.... its hard isnt it......
05 Dec, 2012 09:42 PM
Let me tell you this, I know how you feel. I've felt the same way, but trust me people do care they just don't know how to show you tha they do. So, I hope you haven't done anything bad because if I've made it this far I know you can.
05 Dec, 2012 09:44 PM
Oh and btw I just want you to know that if you need someone to listen and not judge I'm here at: ebony.belt@me.com
05 Dec, 2012 09:47 PM
I am so sorry bout ways happening to you); you r not the only one I can b your friend here lolz(:
05 Dec, 2012 10:18 PM
You know i know how you feel. i lived that way most of my teenage life. except for i had a loving family and a loving mom but i wanted my dad. and yet i find sometimes i am still this way. i smile when im actually dieing inside. i know your hurt and your pain. we were in differnt situations but the things you wrote are the things i used to write. it goes away with time. youll eventually stop caring and you will make your own happiness. but the pain you feel now it goes away but when something bad happens it comes back. but what no one knows is your a very strong girl. you let noone see your tears or your pain and that makes you stronger than anyone. you dont have to beleive me but in time you will see you are who i used to be and in time you will see exactly what i mean.
06 Dec, 2012 11:28 PM
I feel the same way, I've always been hurt. WHY DON'T PEOPLE LIKE ME??
But I must stay strong, must not give in.
If I could take every single persons pain so no one can hurt I would.
Please don't hurt
07 Dec, 2012 05:49 AM
If you want to be happy . Help yourself. Everyone have their own problems even worst than yours, It seems that you have a complete family you just dont appreaciate it since they are existing & ignoring you, Please help yourself, The worls is unfair , thats already given but we have choices as well. We make make those choices, I can say that I am one of the most unfortunate person but I vhose to be happy in my own little ways. I cant say much details but you can do a lot of things, You need to discover what are other things that will make you happy. STOP self pity, go out and make friends. Read inspiring books . Socialized ,Show your gratitude to your family even they will not do the same. DO NOT EVER compare yourself even people around you are doing it. you cant have everything you wants , be resourceful & be thankful instead of waht you have in that way you will not feel insecure about yoursel. COunt you blessing
08 Dec, 2012 09:33 PM
Trust me. You aren't a crybaby. I can relate to some of the stuff you're going through. You aren't alone, girl.
08 Dec, 2012 10:53 PM
i got through that with my mom but everytime we get into a fights she says how good she was in my age i'm just like ok? do you realize i'm not you and i bet she wasnt even good she just says that but her words are like the wind cuz i really dont care, i dont hate my mom its just that sometimes she just annoying and your not a crybaby your mom doesnt know how to love you she's ignorant but dont suffer cuz of them just enjoy your life leave them be all stingy but not you one day you'll find happiness :) trust me you will =)
09 Dec, 2012 08:34 AM
I know how u feel and I feel the Same way hiding all my feeling and not telling them to my friend or my family. I feel like it is better to keep it to myself and not tell other about it.
09 Dec, 2012 05:43 PM
Hi charlie, im not sure if you are reading this but if you are then i want you to know that not everyone cares but the ones that do will always care no matter what heck we all had bad days or sad moments but we'll live through it one way or another, you might think i dont understand you but hey Ill try my best to remember. if you do want to talk then heres my gmail peter8u@gmail.com
10 Dec, 2012 12:59 PM
When I was reading this it felt like I was looking in a mirror... Tae-kwon-do was my family, my home, everyone would bitch to me about each other, and no matter how much you try and help it always seemed to be in vain... my dad always worked (I understand why now) my mum, I'm sure she's mentally insane, my sister, made me run around so she could see her friends, and my brother, an idiot. Like you I was compared to everyone else doing this, that and the other... it's really not nice and I can really say I know your pain... but the person that dreams big has the most to live for ^_^ my dream was to become an animator and tell my stories through images because my words always failed me (partly because I'm dyslexia). My story was when I was 15, but 6 years later I have passed that chapter in my life and guess what I'm doing now? ^_^ I'm in my last year of uni studying animation because it's my one dream I didn't want to die. Give yourself a dream. Even if that dream looks impossible, in the end it's only you that can stop it from happening. Even if friends and family slow you down, keep finding that path that will get you to what you want. Shame I can't hug you now but make your dream and prove everyone else what you are truly made of and who you really are.
13 Dec, 2012 03:34 AM
Tough stuff for a 13 year old. But hey, I guess people can go through stuff at a young age. I can't really relate to you in anyway besides the depressed, sad and dead feeling you have, but want you to know that people do care. I think I even care. So just keep strong. Talk to me if you'd like...
15 Dec, 2012 07:56 AM
Honestly, that feeling is one of the worst you will ever feel. That your alone. That no one cares. I've been in the same boat for the past month or so. I got my heart torn and friends seem fake. You know what helps? Each day I write something down. What hurt me that day, what I want to change and what I wish could be different. Your should try it. Also, not everyone is perfect. Everyone has flaws. I changed my life, left my home town when I could and I'm still not perfectly happy or trusting of people. But life gets better. All the hardships tell us who we are. You can handle anything that comes your way because you wouldn't have to go through it if you couldn't. Trust me, everything in life helps develop who you will be in the future. Stay strong, Stay true and Stay safe. I believe in you!
16 Dec, 2012 08:43 PM
Your not a crybaby but you know what you dont know what sad is until your suicidal my whole life ive tried to kill myself i get help and take pills but it doesnt work so once you try and kill your self give me a call
17 Dec, 2012 09:22 AM
Hey pls don't think how people are behaving with you....... just live your life...... its awesome....... you are not a cry baby but just a hurted... never blame your life its a god gift, accept it.........
18 Dec, 2012 06:54 PM
Its ok dear.. Lyf is tough for u.. Bt u shud nevr underestimate urslf ND neithr allow ur thoughts to rule u... Think positive nd dat will yield positivity in evathn u do.. Rembr dat.. ItS GOD who has created u nd u r alwaz special for HIM....
19 Dec, 2012 11:51 PM
If you need someone to talk to please email me soccerdude1000@sbcglobal.net
My guess is that you are a beautiful, talented, amazing girl who has had a hard life. Please feel free to email me anytime.
28 Dec, 2012 08:11 AM
U r never alone, god loves u, plz accept that. I know it probably doesn't look like but life is not that long compared to eternity. Ps. Ur brother kinda reminded myself, I'm really a jerk sometimes, sorry, well I am crazy a little.
11 Jan, 2013 10:59 AM
Hey, I've the same here but i failed to write what i feel. I hide alot. I wish you could find the one who would always be there for you. you are strong!
27 Apr, 2013 04:41 PM
You certainly have some agreeable opinions and views
29 Dec, 2014 08:46 AM
its not you who's suffering. the thing is,i keep distance from my whole family. and stay all day in my room. why? bcoz the outside world bullies me, teases me, harasses me.
i almost laugh at the thought of having a boyfriend. why?? bcoz i don't have any friend at the first place. why?? bcoz when i was younger, the boys bullied me for being ugly. why?? maybe because i am.
i am completely talent less. cannot sing, dance, draw or play any instrument.i'm not even good at academics.
my life's been dark - its been dark since my birth. you're not alone. stay strong