Worst feeling ever

Kerri

I fell in love with this guy, He's 21 and I'm 18. Every time we got together I fell more and more in love with him. We would text each other everyday. While I was on vacation in Oklahoma, that was when I started to fall for him. He was the only guy I felt completely safe with. In his arms, when he holds me I felt so content. When other boys would hug me, I never felt that way. He knew how to make me laugh and how to make me smile. we slept together, not in a sexual way. We just cuddled next to each other, and fell asleep.

One day after I slept at his house. He was gonna go shopping with this girl AKA his best friend. He told me things like I would be the first girl he would take on a date, how I'm not like most girls, and he knew all the right things to say. Within that next week, we hardly been talking. He wouldn't text me. I usually made the first text. On Wednesday, July 11th, I found out he had his facebook back up. (He deleted it after sometime). I found out he was in a relationship with his best friend then. I was depressed. I loved him, and never told him how I felt. I cut myself then, and it has been so long since the last time I had cut. No, I didn't do it for suicide, I did it to feel physical pain and not let me emotions get to me, it wasn't enough, but I didn't cut after that day I found out. I couldn't eat and sleep right. I can't enjoy things like I used to. I told him I wanted to remain friends with him. He agreed for sometime and all of sudden said he felt guilty talking to me, and felt guilty for what he did to me. I told him I felt like he used me. I didn't tell him how, but the reason would be he used me to get to his best friend. Then he threatened to me he is gonna kill himself. This was the most painful feeling I had in my life.

I was crying for days straight. How long should I wait until I text him again? All I want is to be his friend now, if he has a girlfriend. So be it. I just want him to be happy. Despite how much it hurts for me. I don't want to be that girl who gets in the way of everything. I know it's very possible to be friends with an ex.