Torn

Ashley

I grew up in the city where supposedly people are busy. But, since I am funny kind of person, knows how to mingle to different people from low to high so, for me one of the main ingredients of friendship is about "Give and Take". I was in high school when I have so many friends. I was a member of youth ministry though they don't know my background they always sees me as funny, friendly and lovable. I felt like I was unlucky with my family but I am lucky with my friends. Always painted on my lips those smiles like I don't have any problems. And it's the most unforgettable moments for me. A circle of friends whose always there with each other, will understand you and will guide you.

But when I reach my college life. It changed because I met a friend whose gonna be there if she just needs you. (well, maybe that's' my interpretation of the story). At first, it was okay for me to treat her. But later on, I felt too unfair. She asked me out, we went to mall, we watch in theater, we ate dinner and my whole week allowance was ruined. She is the one who will be responsible for our one week foods. At first it was all okay. Until it lasted for a month then someone told me, (hey, your a one day millionaire. You treat your friend in just one day you suffered for the whole week). And I just felt like they were treating me like their maid since I cooked the rice and even washed our plates after we eat. When I am the one who gave her food I didn't treated her like that. I felt like I was obliged to do the task. Until one day, me and one of my co-housemates fight about it. He said like I don't have a debt of gratitude much worst when he said (dead hungry-don't know if this is the correct term). I felt like I was slapped on my face. And I thought he never knew why I don't have money during school time. And I just silently go out. I never spoke. And I said to myself I will be more wiser this time. So every time I receive my allowance no one knew. If I want to eat in a restaurant I didn't say to my friend. I don't want to be selfish but it seems that she is just using me. She asked me to go for window shopping without knowing even our fair I will be the one to pay. We eat at (you know for me is already expensive restaurant)but I will be the one to pay. If she don't have money we can share for the payment not only me who will pay since she is the one who asked me out. Maybe I understand it if it just happened once or twice but MANY times. I think its so unfair.

But I ignore this kind of thinking but I never told her again when I can get my allowance. So she is contented if I brought something to her. But it is not ended there cos I am the one who pays for her snacks and viand. She eats for free. She cant buy her food because she said she don't have enough money but she can load her phone everyday. But I still ignored it. I just simply think that she is not a good friend. She told me about her problems and I guide her. I helped her not only emotional even financial though I am only a student too like her. She was in deep trouble with her boyfriend and then her family. I never left her. I supported her.

Then here comes my problem. I faced it with my self. She never asked, she never helped and she knows my problem from other people. If she's a real friend she will asked me and comfort me. But its okay for me. Until such time that I am tired of trying to understand our situation. I treasure our moments but its seems she's not. Here comes one of my friend. We became close because I know how deal with her. I know that no one is perfect so I am trying to understand things. This time the situation is- she is the one who is always treating me BUT I never used to take without giving. So I worked to her shop. I did everything. Its very hard to be perfect, its hard to please anyone just to like you. And that time I don't have a choice because I will stop going to school so I decided to work as a part time. But I think it is not a part time since after my class I went home and start working again even at the early morning. It continue until I was successfully graduated from my degree. And because of our friendship I don't want to work to any company even I have low salary. For me, you only once see a friend who is always there for you. I wasted lots of opportunities but it was all okay. I always said that I can find if I want but I don't want to lose our friendships. I've got a one step higher to my degree. But instead of praising me, it turned out into bad because she think that I became someone who is not me. And our cold war started in a little thing. At first I just wanted her to think sometimes that not just because she's older than me she is always right. At first I ignored her but later on even my friends is also involved in our fight. My friends greeted her but she just say nothing as if sees nothing. Maybe I could understand that if it happened once but how many times with different people.
So I started to ignore her too. And it lasted to maybe a month. Then here comes the time that my 1st friend(the one that I mentioned at the top) and her talked about me. How I am so bad. Maybe I owe an apology to my 1st friend but not to her. I never tell her that my friends always telling me to find a good job, that there's an offer because I know she will take it negatively. She always has a bad comments to every person and I'm sick of it. She always think that people are always after to what she have. She never see how they helped her maybe not financially but rather in service.

Just because of her interpretation she was left by those person who is always there for her. Maybe I'm tired of trying to understand her attitude. One time I'm tempted to text her. But after 1 day my friend told me that she sent a message to my close friends telling them that I am dangerous, cannot be trusted, everything that is bad. I was like hit by a big stone. Despite all the things we shared she is just wasted because of her negative interpretation.

Maybe, she was afraid that I can recover immediately from my lost than to her. And they are the only friends that I got a lot of lesson about friendship. I'm still happy that my old friends came back. We had a lot of time to mingle now not like before that I am like in a cage. My time is very limit even when I laughed still calculated. I am free now but still sad because we separated in in a bad way.