Lies & Games

Rosey

I'm Rosey, 18, here is my story.

I Met him in summer school, July fifth, 2012 I didn't notice him until the entire class was seated, I looked around the room seeing all the new people I would have to spend half of my summer with. Then he caught my eye and I was just mesmerized, gorgeous dark brown hair, blue/green eyes. He sat at the back of the class in the corner, one row in front of me, he sat alone focused on his work, I couldn't stop staring, and he was just so...gorgeous in my eyes. But, I brushed it off a guy like that would never go for a girl like me. You could tell by just looking at us, we're complete opposites. Me, the short, shy, secretly dorky girl, who’s 18 but looks like 15, with the glasses and Him, the perfect 10, 17 year old, I thought he was my age, anyways, well built, could tell he works out, any girl would drool over him, could get any girl he wanted type of guy.

Anyways after two weeks he finally talked to me, making small conversation, then two/three days later he got my Facebook, a week after, he got my number. We would text each other nonstop, talked on the phone for five hours straight, just talking about everything, anything that popped into our minds, I was falling for this guy more and more every day, I was falling hard, too hard. Eventually before I knew it, he had gotten under my skin, permanently stuck in my head, I couldn't close my eyes without seeing his amazing smile pop into my mind. We would talk on Skype and he would make me laugh non-stop, no one’s ever made me feel so happy, laugh so much, feel just special. I could tell him anything, I learned about his hurtful past and he learned about my hurtful past.

He would tell me all these things, how beautiful I am, how much he adores me, how special I am too him, all these things how much he wished he could hold me at night, all the poetry he would make on the spot and say to me, the songs he would sing to me, how incredibly special he made me feel and like a fool...I believed it all, every sweet word, every sweet word that poured from his mouth. We spent time out of school together, he'd hold me in his arms, whisper cute things in my ear as he'd hug me from behind, I never felt so safe in someone’s arms before, we made out a few times but never went past second base. Keep in my mind I've never even kissed a boy I wasn't in a serious relationship with, this was a first for me.

Eventually we had the 'Talk'; determine the relationship: he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, that he’s too hurt from his last one but how he still liked me oh so much and didn't want to lose me, so he asked me the one question I never thought he would "I think we should be friends with benefits for now, ya know, make each other feel good, have fun for a while. Then after a little while we can make a decision to see if we should be together and if not we can still be good friends after" I couldn't believe it, and what’s worse is that he sent it over a text while I was at McDonald's with my mom and brothers and as I read it I burst into tears, re-reading the text over and over again.

I lost my appetite, felt like complete crap, used, disgusted with myself, stupid, felt like a complete fool. My mom comforted me while my brothers looked at me confused yet with sympathy. I straightened myself up, forced a smile on my lips and told them I was fine, nothing major. Since then...I realized that's all he wants, still wants, just a sex buddy, I never meant anything to him, that all those sweet words were just poison, lies, that all I was...was just a game to him.

Was I over reacting? I don't think so, all I know is that after that ‘talk’ things weren't the same, he would tell me sweet things, makes me laugh and smile but the laughter and the smiles were fake because I didn't feel anything other than the pain that's so unbearable it numbs me on the inside. I just never felt so stupid, so played, so hurt. I just fell too hard for someone I barely knew..But I just listened to my heart, stupidest thing I've ever done. When I would see him smile...all I felt was emptiness. I was just another fool who fell for his Lies&Games...who lost and ended up with a broken heart & Now he’s back, after no contact for over a month, he randomly sends me a text apologizing to me. Telling me it was all a big misunderstanding and for moment, I believed it, I forgave him for those few moments. He was starting to talk like he used to, the sweet & charming words which are really poison written in texts. If only he knew how much pain he truly caused me, the pain and heart break, and now the pain is back, the tears are back and I don’t know how to stop it. That pain is back, and even though I've moved on, it still hurts, he broke my heart & as much as I want to hate him...I just don’t know, all I feel is that pain it isn't as bad as it first was but it still hurts. Like there’s a giant knot in my chest just weighing on me slowly stopping me from breathing.