it's not over yet

Noemi

Everyday I would wake up with a frown. I looked around my surroundings and realized that I am back to reality. When I fall asleep, I feel like I can escape and dream of something beautiful. In reality, I am just another broken person. My father has lowered my confidence and me having hope of doing anything. My mother has a way of making me feel bad by yelling at me.

February 2012, I began to cut. I didn't know what to do I just cut. At times I was having troubles at school and home as well. That month my parents began to push me really hard and that's when I began to go insane. I wanted to die. I thought about suicide and was gonna attempt to kill myself but I didn't do it. I knew that if i killed myself that it would effect my parents a lot and make them feel like they are failures, to be honest they do fail at being a parent. I tired my best to look like i can take a rude comment but inside i am dying slowly. They hurt me a lot not in a phyical way, but emotionally.

March 2012, Everything was even worse but this time it was worse. I found out I had depression. i told my mom about but some how she managed to hide the hurt and just covered it up with anger that I didn't tell her before. At that time I hated my mother. I despise her.

April 2012, both my parents have seperated for many different reasons. My mother didn't love my father anymore. She apologized to me for everything she has done to hurt me, I told her I would forgive her but I will never forget the things she had sad to me. After two week of my parnets separation, My mom lets my father move back into the house. I told her that I will not stay there because i knew he was going to accuse her of something she is not doing. I also told her that I was leaving and won't come back unless he is gone. She made me stayed, She said if I ran away then she would call the cops on me. I stayed.

May 2012, I told her he would do it again. Now he is gone again living in his own apartment. I was happy to say that he was gone but i told my mom again that if he ever comes home again, I would leave no matter what. If she calls the cops on me then I would tell them everything. I know it's harsh and all that but that's when i reached the boiling point.

June 2012, I was having an end of the year party at my place. Then my father shows up drunk telling my mom to take him back. I told him if he doesn't leave then I am most definantlty calling the cops. He left and then tried to come back but left.

Three months later, I haven't seen nor talked to my dad. I didn't want to talk to my dad. Nor his family. When i found out he wanted to commit suicide i just automatic began to cry. His sister came over my place to talk to my mom. I walked out my room and went into the living and then Both her and my mother began to bag on me. I walked to my room pretended that it didn't effect me but it really did. I began to have a meltdown and suddenly i found myself wanting to cut. I stoped and threw the piece of glass against the wall and continued crying.

Present day, Here i am trying to hold back the tears that i am trying so hard not to spill in front of my classmates. I had tried to stay strong not just for me but for my brother and sister. I don't know whats going to happen next but i know that it's not over yet.