He broke me.... :'(

~Love~Girl~

So there was this new kid that moved here. He was kinda a bad kid. but once you got to know him. He was pretty cool. I thought I'd never have a chance with him.. then the summer after he moved here we were hanging out and he told me he liked me. We grew closer as time went by and he asked me out. of course I said yes, I had fallen in love with him the minute he moved here....

He has had a hard home life and one night we were laying there and he was telling me about his family and stuff that has happened and he started crying... It made me feel good that he could talk to me about these things. Because he couldn't talk to anyone else about them.. His dad was kind of abusive and his mom never really listened. I was the only one there for him... One night we were laying there talking and he was telling me that he was probably moving back to his home town.... It really hurt to know that he wasn't going to be around much longer.... We talked about it and he asked if I wanted to stay together or what, and I told him it was up to him.. He told me he wanted to stay together... I said okay because I really didn't want to lose him. He told me that no matter what happened between us he wanted me to know that I could always talk to him and I told him the same thing.... that night we had sex.. it was my first time and his 3rd... it really meant a lot to me.. and then a week after this I left for a week to go to church camp.

We weren't allowed our phones at all during church camp but I checked my phone the 2nd day of church camp on June 12th and he had texted me and said that he couldn't hurt me anymore and that he still wanted to be friends and that he still had feelings for me.. it broke me.. I just broke down and cried so much.. It really hurt.. I kinda went into depression for awhile and then once I got home from church camp I was texting him and he was being a total jerk and saying that I was gross thats why he dumped me and all this.. it really hurt, no one understands how bad it hurt me...

After that I started cutting again and till this day I still do... Its been almost 4 months since we have broke up and I haven't talked to him.. and he moved back to his home town and I'm still not over him... is it a bad thing I'm still not over him? I love him till this day even after everything he has done to me. I will truly always love him. He was my first everything and I cant help but to still care about him....