I Thought Life Got Better

Payton

I've been bullied my whole life... By... Everyone. I'm short, its the core of the problem. What wrong with being short?? Everyday I wish I was taller. Now this story doesn't have death. Its true and it has tears right now while I'm writing this. So, every girl has a crush, every girl does! Now this guy I've liked for a little while and my best friend whom I told everything to. I told her all about this guy how I felt about him and how cute I thought he was. Yeah well that all changed, my so called bff told this guy everything!!! After wards we emailed each other for a couple days and he told me he liked me too. I was sooo happy! But still furious at my "friend" (shes not my friend anymore). He was too though. She always tried to but in getting all the latest gossip on us. It was horrible and annoying!

A few days later he asked me if we wanted to go out. I was filled up with joy but I still didn't know what to do a guy has NEVER asked me out before! I said yes though. A week passed and I got an email his name but different email address. I replied saying hi. I got a message the next day saying.. " look I'm sorry but I never liked you I just wanted to make u happy, I was just trying to get closer to your friend" I was furious, sad, humiliated and on the edge of crying. This plus the bulling equaled total humiliation. The next day everyone knew. I got bullied now for my height and being dumped I saw him that day he came up to me smiling. I was confused I walked away madly thinking he was happy we broke up... The next day I figured out his best friend emailed me that message. We still didn't continue going out and I lost my happiness and I was still getting bullied. My so called bff is now not my bff and is now my worst enemy. I'm continuing to get bullied for my height and when I try to be nice I cant... They're being mean why cant so I?! I continue to think Im dyslexic because I find I'm dumber than a post from everyone else...

I continue to have a low self esteem on my body shape even though I know I'm fit. I continue to want to cover my face in make up just to hide from everyone. And I never wear make up! I don't get bullied anymore from getting dumped which I guess is a good thing. I sometimes get suicidal thoughts but I know I will never kill myself for I know that's not what god wants. I don't like any other guy because I've realized every guy I know is a shallow jerk to me and my friends. I've now started to swear even though I know its wrong and I should stop but I can't. I've made friends that turn out to be enemies. And I now think I have none. I have no shoulder to cry on, no one to hold on to no, one to catch me when I'm about to fall, no one, nothing! I try to stay positive but I don't now what will happen with my life, I know everything happens for a reason but... I want to know what that reason is! I need help... I feel... Alone...