I Miss You Buddy

Katsu

It's hard being a half American kid going to school in a foreign country. Everyone thinks you have money and you're immediately an outcast. No matter what you do to try and fit in, you're still going to be the American kid. Sure, you can still get everyone to like you but you never really know who's your real friend. Even my mother's side of the family, who are all Asians by the way, think of me as an outcast. Everyone depends on me to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or an astrophysicist just so they can suck the money out of me.

My father left, and my mother married another man, who not long, grew in my heart. My step-father enrolled me into one of the best schools in the country and that's when I finally met my best friend. I was in kindergarten when he sat by me at lunch. I was shocked by this, since most kids avoided me. I half expected him to tease me for my light colored curly hair or my wide brown eyes but he only smiled at me and ate his lunch. After that, we started talking a lot with each other and it was him who kept the bullies away. We did almost everything together, making everyone think we had a crush on each other. Which may have been true in my case. Every time when I cried, he was always there telling me that everything was okay, and that they were just jealous. I always laughed at this, but I felt better at his effort to try to cheer me up.

But then second grade came around and he had to go back to Japan. I told him I was going to miss him and he hugged me. "Stay strong, I'm coming back next year." He said to me and I promised him I would. It didn't take long for all the other kids to hear that my "bodyguard" has left the country. And it didn't take long for the bullying to start again. It went on for a couple weeks, I would always come home with new bruises. My step-father kept complaining to the school about it, but of course the school could never catch them abusing me. So eventually, I had to move schools. This school was better, and I made new friends, but I still missed my best friend. A couple more months, I kept telling myself, but it felt like an eternity. And at the time, I didn't know all the months in a year. All I knew that he was coming back in a couple months.

Soon, those months turned to weeks, then to days. My mother and I waited at the airport to pick his family up. The moment I saw him, I tackled him into a hug, causing our mothers' to squeal in delight. God knows what was running through their minds at the time. I remember at the time how I used to tease him about how I have gotten taller than him. He wasn't very happy about this and always went and sulked in the corner and I always tried to cheer him up.
At the time, I felt that my life was complete. I had a family, school was great, and my best friend was here with me. What more could I ask for? But unfortunately, that happiness didn't last long. He started hanging out with the boys, completely forgetting about me. I told him that I felt like he was distancing from me. "You are my friend. I would never forget you." He said, messing my hair up and we both laughed. But a week after that, he had forgotten about me again. My mother just said that he was a boy and that it's natural that he would want to hang out with other boys. And also I shouldn't be selfish and try to keep him all to myself.
So I tried to distance myself from him as well. He noticed this and actually started talking to me again, trying to ask what was wrong but I kept smiling and said I was fine. He finally dropped it and went back to his friends.

Later that day, I found out that the boys were going to go out into the city after midnight. It was well known around here that it was dangerous, especially in the streets of Bangkok where kidnappers lurked around every corner, even in the day time. But I didn't try to convince him not to go. I was trying to distance myself. But there was a part of me that thought he was smart enough not to go or that maybe the boys were just joking. But they weren't. I lost my best friend that night on April 25th, 2007. He didn't get kidnapped, but was murdered, along with another boy. If I tried to tell him not to go, maybe he would still be alive. I never got to tell him how I had a huge crush on him. More importantly, I never got to tell him how thankful I am to him for saving me all those times. For making me feel like I wasn't alone, and that there was someone out there who cared about me. I miss you so much buddy, if I had just one more day with you, I would tell you all those things and I'm sorry I didn't try to do anything to prevent your death. Hopefully you're in a better place now.
I just want to let you know that everyone misses you and also you got a new brother. Your mother named him after you. He's adorable and has a kind soul just like you. But no one can ever replace you. You will always forever be my first best friend and crush. I have moved back to America and things are great, and I've got people who accept me, and don't care about what nationality I am. But I wish you were here. I really do. Love and miss you <3