I will never have true love...

Farida

This is the story or a girl who fell in love but it's too late. That girl is me. I've known him for five years, he has loved me for two years, and yet...I realized how deep my feelings are for him...When I left Egypt. I lived in Egypt for most of my life, but currently I live in England. My father's job is the reason why I travel, we have been to Dubai, Lebanon, France, Egypt and England. I'm still fifteen, and I've lived in that much places. I never minded travelling. In fact I love travelling, but when it depends on losing your friends, its a bit hard. I was in Egypt when my father got his job in England. I was thirteen, and it was very hard for me to leave my best friends...It was also a bit hard to say goodbye to him knowing that he does love me.

I never thought that I'm the kind of girl who would ever fall in love, but when my father told me we are going to England it hit me. I did love him too..I tried to tell him that I can't leave, but I never convinced him. I'm not allowed to add boys on Facebook, so I couldn't talk to him. But my parents don't have twitter, so he followed me and now we talk all the time. It might be great that we can talk, but its not...I'm never going back to Egypt and I will never see him again. He doesn't know that I love him...but he told me that even if he won't ever see me again that he's in love with me..

I don't know what to do..I'm already in love with the only guy I will never see again. I don't know what to do, every single time we talk I fall for him more and more and more..If I stop feeling this for him I know its going to be all ok, but the problem is I KNOW he is the one. I'm never going to see him again, its even more painful when I remember he's never going to stop loving me too, and that we never had the chance to be together in anyway..He even remembers every single accident touch between us, and tells me how good it made him feel. And the only reason he joined the music team in school was because I sing in the music department. He tells me how much he misses my singing, he writes me songs, poems, he supports Black Veil Brides just to show me that he cares about what I think...

I know I will never find a guy who loves me that much and cares for me that way. It really hurts. Sometimes I try to tell myself that it can't be true love because we are too young, but every single time I see his name in my inbox I get this heartache..heartache for missing him, for knowing that he misses me too.
I try to distract myself sometimes by focusing on my GCSEs, studying too much and trying to do my best..

One day, we had a small fight because I told him to stop making it awkward for us to talk by saying that he loves me, and I get a bit oh hope that he would hate me for treating him bad...but he says sorry anyway, telling me how amazing he thinks I am... I once thought of killing myself or doing something that crazy, but I'm too big of a coward. I think he felt that I'm depressed, he doesn't know why though...he told me that everything will be okay, and that hopefully I will go live in Egypt again someday, and we'd see each other again.

I pray that he would find another girl and forget about me, but I'm still thankful for him loving me no matter what. I didn't tell him that I have feelings for him, and I don't think I ever will. It would only make it worse...

Please comment on what you think, I really need any advice, I can't live with myself anymore knowing I'm hurting him every minute...I will update my story if anything happens between us..Because to be honest, I can't hold it in anymore, I think I'm going to tell him...