Forbidden Love

Puffle

It's a really sad story. Not really anyone knows the ENTIRE truth. Not even my parents. First, I'll set down the facts: We're six years apart, but our mindsets are the same level. He's older, but that doesn't really matter I guess. I've always thought he was beautiful. He's known me my entire life, and I've known him my entire life. He was the ring bearer at my parents' wedding. All the adults love him, he's smart, polite, beautiful (I think I already mentioned that), and talented in gymnastics, academics, and sports. Practically perfect. I think I'll call it the "incident." The "incident" happened about a year and 3 months ago.

We were at my grandma's house, just chilling, and my little brother was playing video games in the dining room downstairs. My grandma was out at the grocery store, so we were supposed to watch my brother. We were just laying on the couch together and talking, since we hadn't seen each other in five years. He got really close to me, and we were so close our noses were touching. We didn't kiss that time, I pulled away. But he didn't stop trying to.
Another time, we were on the couch (yes, again), and somehow, I was laying on top of him. It was summer, and his shirt was off, because where my grandma lives is really hot during that time of year. I could feel his warm skin press against my shirt, and we got close again. This time I didn't pull away. It was a small kiss, light but meaningful. When I pulled away, we smiled, and we kissed again. I couldn't help feeling how happy I was, that I finally had him. I had loved him for so long. But the story doesn't end there.

That night, I awoke, startled from a weight on my bed. There he was, smiling at me, and stroking my hair. "Hey buddy," he whispered. I smiled, and cuddled into him. He brought me in and held me, stroking my face. Without words, we leaned in and began to kiss. At first it was simple and innocent, and as time progressed, it became more intense and meaningful. We became tangled in the blankets, rolling around. I remember a few minutes into the makeout, I was on top of him and I pulled away. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Is...is this even right?" I asked. He smiled in return, "Who cares?" That was good enough for me, I guess, so we kissed, and kissed until our lips got dry. When we just couldn't kiss anymore, we cuddled, and I remember it was 3 a.m. when I fell back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, he had left. I woke up earlier than usual, 7 maybe. I walked to the loft, where his bed was. He was already awake, just laying there. "What are you doing up so early?" he asked. I just smiled and crawled under the covers next to him. We were kissing again. This time he pulled up my shirt and pulled away from the kiss. As he touched my bra, he asked, "Can I?" I didn't say anything. "It's your body, your decision." "Well then I say we wait," I finally replied. He was okay with that, and pulled my shirt back down. That day we went to the pool and we just splashed around happily. I remember being so happy. A few nights later, the same thing happened, but this time I let him take off my shirt and bra completely. He kept trying to get down my pants, but I always said no. We held hands in public, and he put his arm around me, we shared dishes at restaurants, and he always gave me his jacket if I was cold. He knew how to read me. He knew when something was wrong, and could always comfort me. One day we were in the house alone, and I was in my room, listening to my iPod. He came in and sat next to me. We shared an earbud for a few songs, until one of my love songs came on. We looked at each other and one thing led to another, until the iPod was on the ground, and he picked me up and carried me into the bathroom. We shut the doors and turned off the lights, and there we were, kissing in the dark, me sitting on his hips, as he carried me to a wall where he set me down and pressed me up against it. The moment was so intense and perfect.

Then one day I had to fly home with my brother and mom. We said our goodbyes, and for months more we IM'd and kept in contact. One day he told me something that was of a delicate matter. He didn't exactly say it like this, but he told me he wanted my virginity. I told him no. But here's where the twist comes in. We're cousins.
On March 21, 2011, his father, my uncle, found that exact IM. He Skyped my parents and told them of our "relationship." We have been banned contact ever since.

I became selfish, foolish, and stupid. I thought I needed to protect myself, so I lied to everyone, even my parents, and said he molested me. Of course, that just made it worse, made my heart break even more every day. Now my parents have threatened him and said that if he ever has contact to me, they will call the police. It's all my fault. Why couldn't I just have been straight up and said that we just kissed, and that we were both naive, and it was all just a misunderstanding?

Of course now, I still miss him, but I don't have those kind of feeling for him. I would be just fine loving him as family. But I lied. And I ruined everything. My parents hate him. He most likely hates me. I wish I could say how sorry I was. I wish I could say sorry to my parents, tell them how I lied and it could just be forgotten as a misunderstanding of two naive kids. I wish I could tell him how sorry I was for making things harder for him, to be presented with a lie. I know it's my fault and I hate a little bit of myself for it. So now, it's forbidden love.