Broken hearts and Stitches.

Valerie

Hello, this is my story. While growing up my mom was never around she was always working, I had no idea who my father was. He and my mom separated before I was born. I grew up with my 2 brothers, being bullied all the time my them. They always gave me demands and if I chose not to listen they'd hit me. This continued on for quite a while. I was always that girl who was by herself all the time. I used to watch all the other girls play with their friends and I thought to myself "why don't people like me?" A second grader should not be thinking about those kind of things. My mom always told me the most hateful things, things I can never forget. I used to sit there and cry for hours cause I was so miserable and my mom would tell me "hey quit crying tomorrow I'll take you to the mall and buy you whatever you want okay?" Attempting to buy someone happiness, just leads to more sadness. I'm in the fifth grade, I'm being bullied by all the popular girls. Nobody likes me. I grab the ice cold razor blade, the metal biting so sweetly into my skin, releasing drops of scarlet. I feel better now. The girls notice the cuts on my wrist, I got jumped by them hours later.

Sixth grade everybody thinks I'm weird, they call me Gothic and Emo. I absolutely hate those words. It's sad that they don't see how much they are killing me on the inside. I finally found a friend and she turns out being my niece. My father is her grandpa, she was like my little piece of heaven. That Christmas her family took me to Kansas so I could finally meet my dad. The moment I saw him I was disgusted, he was an asian, old, bald drunk! I mean you've got to be kidding me? Well that same night he took me and my 2 nieces to his house. He showed me a room and told me he made it for me. He locked us inside there and raped us. Once we got to my sisters house I wanted to die, I told everyone who could do something about it, but they all said "sweety he was just drunk". I'm absolutely disgusted. Ever since then cutting became a regular thing. I was always good at hiding it. Later on I went to mexico with my mom, I met my 2 new best friends there... Crystal meth and heroin. I ended bringing a lot of it home with me. I couldn't stand the thought of being sober. I guess one day I overdosed on it and they rushed me to the hospital. My secrets were no more. They found out everything. They put me in the pavilion for suicidal attempt and drug abuse. 2 weeks later I got out. Then 3 days later I was back in for suicidal attempt. I wanted to die so bad, nobody understood what it was like to be me. To be hurting so much and nobody caring. That was a bad time in life, everybody hated my guts and everybody wanted to dump me. Nobody knows what it feels like to wake up one day, go to school and literally everybody hates you. It sucks to be alone, especially when being alone is your biggest fear. My last day at my middle school, I went home early, once I got home my mom went to the store. I noticed my step dad was packing his things. He told me "I got a new job in a different town". I asked him "Well are you and my mom gonna stay together?" He replied "Yes, I'll be back Saturday". He never came back. I was so scared I made my mother transfer me schools, so I could start new.

Being the new girl was kinda scary, but the rest of my middle school years went by so much easier. It felt good to actually have friends, even though a lot of them found out about my cutting problem, but they didn't care. Nobody really cared about anything. I'm in high school now, I feel just a little bit more accepted then I met a special someone. My whole life I felt so ugly, as if there was no one out there for me. But I was wrong, if it wasn't for my best friend I wouldn't be where I'm at today. He made me needed, beautiful, precious, and he accepted me for me. I stopped cutting cause of him, and I currently live with him. My life has been so amazing its crazy how I always thought that this would ever be possible.