A Masked Story

Ornob Repon

A 13 year old girl leading a normal life in a middle school where everyone was fake. No one cared about the good things in your life...just the bad. I met you there. You were with her when I met you. I thought of you as any other guy in the school. My best friend and I hung out with your girlfriend but you and I never talked. The first time we said hi to each other was just like anything else I've ever done. I didn't give it much thought.

It was your last year...and we had only been talking for a couple months. I never imagined myself falling for you. We became best friends...We talked about anything and everything.
Remember the nicknames? Monkey and Skittles...yeah, I remember.

I remember the pain in your eyes when she broke up with you. I remember how bad I felt to see you so hurt. I wanted to hug you and take away all the pain. I hated her for hurting you so bad. I became your "Dr.Phil"...yeah, I remember that too. I would catch myself looking for you when I was with her and my friend. At first I didn't know what I was searching for...until I would see you...I started questioning why I searched for you so frantically. I ignored everything around me just to look for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay and then I would see the way you looked at her. With a pain that made me hate her more and more each day. I didn't understand her...I didn't understand how she could let go of you...

That was when I accepted my feeling for you...I accepted that I had fallen for you. I began to attempt to deny it to myself but I couldn't. My whole day would light up as soon as I saw you. I remember feeling angry and hurt when you talked about her...but I knew you loved her so I did everything I could to get you guys back together. It hurt but I didn't care...I wanted you happy and it didn't matter if I wasn't part of it. I was willing to get hurt in order for you to be happy.

She didn't feel the same way because she went for another. She had lied to you. Her parents hadn't made her break up with you...it was just an excuse. She had cheated on you. I was angry. I was hurt FOR you.

I'll never forget the day we first hung out at school. Just us two. No one else. I was the happiest girl as I walked up while you played soccer. I watched you and you came toward me. You embraced me and my whole world stopped spinning. It was just us two. That's when you told me about her cheating. I remember hugging you. You looked okay, though. I didn't quite understand.

That Friday...that 4th of February. I'll never forget it. A usual day of us texting. A usual night where we were talking. You asked what I was doing...I was honest and told you I was thinking of a guy I liked. You asked who. I didn't want to tell you. I told you to guess. You asked me to spell the name and you guessed yourself. I took my friend's advice and told you it was you. I was so afraid. I was trembling because I didn't want to lose our friendship. You called me. I didn't understand why but I answered.
I remember your words. "I didn't want to say this over text but I'd like to let you know that I like you, too. I have fallen for you, Karen" My heart skipped a beat as I heard these words. As I heard your voice tell me you had fallen for ME...I didn't know what to say.

I had a boyfriend at the time but he had wanted to end things for a while so I told him it was over. I didn't care about anything or anyone just you. I knew the problems it would bring. I knew the drama that would erupt. I didn't care...I was willing to risk it all for you...& I did.

Monday, February 7th. Remember that day? Cause I do. I still remember the taste of our first kiss...do you? I still have the picture of us hugging that day. We walked together and I remember you stopped me in the hallways. I didn't have time to react before you pulled me in and pressed your lips against mine. My eyes fluttered shut and I forgot about everything and everyone around me. It was just us. That's all that mattered. We both smiled as we pulled away. You kissed me again and walked me to my class. I was walking on air. I was floating. The last two classes passed by in a blur. I was smiling a true smile for once in a very long time.

Of course, good things only last for so long. After school, your ex-girlfriend came up to me. Why? I don't know...she had a boyfriend. I also remember her words. "How much did he pay you? oh nothing? damn how cheap" she sneered and walked away. I remembered you wrapped your arms around me to stop me from going up to her and yanking her hair off. "Not worth it..." you whispered in my ear and all anger evaporated.

You and Cjon decided to ask Nicole and I out the same day. It was funny. I remember Nicole & I joking around about you two being somehow connected. Tuesday, February 8th, 2011...was the day you finally asked me to be your girlfriend. You waited until after school because you had wanted to do it on Valentine's Day but you said you couldn't wait that long. I laughed as you asked me in the hallways. All I could say was, "you still have to ask?" and we kissed. I was the happiest girl. Nothing could get me upset or anything. I was in my own fairy tale.

I felt bad the next day with people saying messed up things to me...until you said this to me, "Yailet shouldn't be worrying about anything that has to do with us. She made her choice and I made mine. My hand is in yours not in hers and this is where I'll stay." My heart soared as you squeezed my hand and kissed me. Remember watching The Roommate? I do. I can't watch it now. I hate movie theaters now...I can feel your arms around me.

A month and 10 days...a time I wish I could've stayed in. A time I wish would've frozen and I could just relive those days over and over again. The teddy bear you gave me on Valentine's Day with a heart filled with skittles. The time you asked me why I was a thief...I was confused until you smiled and told me I had stolen your heart. The times you picked me up bridal-style and kissed me with a passion that made me melt in your arms.

A month later you were telling me you still had feelings for your ex. I didn't give it thought because I was happy with you...I convinced myself not to worry because you were with ME not with her. Spirit week...that was the week everything went downhill. We argued that week...remember? My so-called best friend, Karen, told you I was cheating. You believed her. You denied it but I could see the doubt in your eyes as I told you the truth. NO I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU. I stopped before getting on the bus and told you it was up to you whether you believed me or not that I had not cheated on you...that I wasn't Yailet. I left you standing there and I cried. The 2nd time you had made me cry.

March 18th. Everything seemed to be back to normal...so I thought. When you held me, everything faded and I felt like everything was okay. It happened every single time you embraced me. I told Nicole that...the way I felt when you held me. She told me to stay in your arms. I remember telling her how afraid I was...I was afraid that you wanted to let go.

And you did...2 hours later.
You called me and told me some bullshit excuse. You had to break up with me to focus in school? We had only 3 months left. You were in your last year. 8th grader end everything in the beginning of March and you wanted to convince me that school was the reason. You weren't even sure when I asked if we had just broken up. I was in shock. I didn't want to believe it. You said "I guess". I cried like I have never cried in my life. I dropped my phone. I shook and crashed on the floor in tears. I felt myself being torn apart. I felt my heart just break. I felt every part of me had just been beat.
"I never meant to get with you...I never meant to get with anyone..." those were your words an hour later.

I didn't eat. I didn't talk. I didn't move. I didn't do anything all weekend. I went into depression. I was a walking corpse. My eyes were dead...My body felt numb. I couldn't smile. I cringed whenever I read or heard your name. I cried if I saw a couple. I was dead...I still am. You tore me to shreds a week before my birthday. That week, I was an outcast at school. I stayed away from everyone. I spent the days crying. I walked in the hallways and felt lost. I cried if I saw you...which was everywhere. I slashed my arms. Sweats and long sleeve shirts were all I wore. My hair up and no makeup. What was the point if I wasn't that girl anymore. I was broken. Why try to fix myself up if all my makeup would smear? Being near you made every part of me ache. I wanted you to hold me again. I wanted to be the girl you would walk up to and kiss. I wanted to be yours and for you to be mine again. I never thought a pain so great could exist until the day I lost you. I cried at my birthday bonfire. I screamed into the waves. I wanted to drown in them. I wanted to stop living the pain that was just killing me. I managed to smile again a month later...or at least fake one. I've spent 8...almost 9 months crying myself to sleep to keep myself managing through the day. Faking smiles and faking laughs but I still go quiet when anyone mentions your name. I miss you...so much. When I walk down the hallways...I still think of you.