Shoot me

Lexie

Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew I loved him. Stetson was so beautiful. One of my old friends was trying to help me get out of a bad relationship in Feb, so she invited me over that night to meet her finacee's cousin. I agreed. I went over and honestly I looked pretty damn good. Not to sound stuck up. When I first saw him he was in dark cop glasses, a Full Throttle hat tipped a little to the side and baggy jeans. My first thought was holy shit...your so hot. Well Stetson and Rhett were drinkin and I was watching every move he made simply because thats who I am. Dark eyes, dark skin and dark hair, he's so handsome. Well he was tipsy and he walked over to me with a shot of Vodka and smiled saying you need to take this. So I played a hard ass and Took the entire shot. He was like OMG. And then Erikka told him I'm into dirt bikes and that made it all the better for him. After about an hour and a half, I ended up kissing him. Well we kinda planned for this whole thing to be a one night stand but when his lips touched mine...It was like hell froze over heaven burned and fireworks shot from every opening in my body. I spent the entire night talking with him. Then Erikka and I ended up having sex as a game for the boy's. Yes I know your thinking wtf what a slut but it really wasnt like that. About 45 minutes goes by of Erikka and I and Stetson took me in the next room. We ended up making out and talking. I didnt want to have sex so it didnt happen, thank god. Well the next day Erikka and Stetson's best friend Josh were texting me telling me that Stetson wants a relationship. Mind you this boy is a player from hell. I was like huh, maybe I can give it a go. So I came over that night and he was drinking again. I was a litte frustrated but I just ignored it and let it all flow. I knew he was falling me for me and shit I was falling just as quick. I spent numerous nights at that apartment with him. Almost a month, every single night. We were falling. On valentines day, he and I were house sitting for Erikka and her finacee Kyler. We cleaned the house and had so much fun hangin out together. We danced and listened to music and just chilled out. It was really relaxing and thats when it hit me that I really cared bout this person. Around the end of Feb, Stetson and I had sex for the second time. In the background the movie French Kiss was playing the begging song before your suppoed to push play.. But this wasnt JUST sex..that was the first time I had ever mde love to someone. It was so satisfying and just electric. The way he looked at me was so beautiful and so shocking. Honestly it was the best feeling out there. When Erikka and Kyler moved out of their aparment to Stetson's mother's house (Kylers Aunt Sandi) I was kinda worried that I wouldnt see him as much as I had been. I'm in Tooele and he is in Erda...bout 15 miles away. I didnt have a car andneither did he. I was kinda hurting in a way. But I helped them move down there and all. Well about 5 days went by after that and I ended up staying the night down there. Stetson and I slept on the couch, totally on accident. We werent supposed to bu we were watching a movie and crashed out..I remember having a dream that night about getting rapped. But I felt I should ignore it and not talk about it. Naturally I was a litte disturbed. Well the following day, Stetson knew I wasnt okay, he asked me and I had to tell him. Then Erikka blurts out that I've been rapped and told him everything about my childhood. I was devistated. Let alone embarrassed. But to my surprise, he was more caring than anything. At that point I knew Erikka was going to be a bitch and start problems. Anyways..Stetson and I fell in love with each other. We always had fun laughing and playing. We had bonfires all the time and his little brother andsister thought I was awesome. Talina and Dalton. Awesome kids:) I thought he was the greatest thing since lollipops and he thought the same about me. Four months of staying at his house for weeks on end and just being normal. Tons of sex. I cooked for him and leaned his room and did laundry for him and we were just super close. I trusted him and he trusted me. Then in May, the day after his birthday, he went to help his Uncle in Roosevelt. A whole week..I didnt want him to go..I knew I was going to miss him more than anything. And my family had planned a trip to Idahp the next week and we werent supposed to be back til the end of May. Stetson and I talked everyday and texted alot. I missed him..alot. I felt abnormal as hell. Well he ended coming back he day of my Grandparent's 50th anniversary. I was like...well shit. But I ended up staying at his house that night. I refused to let go of him as soon and I saw him. I was annoyed fpr the next day to come...I was leaving for Idaho..yuck. But we cuddled in bed and fell asleep..I was so happy and so comfortable. Well about 3 days after I got to Idaho he called and told me we wanted to take a break. I was so hurt..I couldnt stop crying for hours. I was shattered inside. My Mom and my brother did everything possible to make me smile but It wasnt working out. I didnt eat or sleep...I didnt do anything. Other than get really really drunk. He kept calling me to check on me and I was getting more and more pissed off. When I finally came home..I wet straight to his house. He begged so I was stupid and went. When him and I were alone in his new car that didnt even work. I refused to kiss him or even touch him..but somehow we ended up having sex. It was amazing. I have never felt so touched. I stayed that night with him and the next night too. But it was so empty and shallow. Then about a week went by and I got him a puppy. He loved her an so did I. His mom thought it was awesome. But anyways he ended up totally dropping me for his nasty ex Laticia. So I tried to move on and I ended up getting involved with Seth. Well about 2 weeks ago we met up at the park. apparently now he's doing drugs and meth and what nots...I noticed that all the love I had for him is so bottled up, its like a giant black hole in my chest. I cant stop thinking about him now. Its like he's right there next to me. I honestly just want it to stop. I want to stop hurting. Him and Lati broke up. And now IM stuck between suicide and running away. ...