Bittersweet Love

Rikki

My name is Rikki. I fell in love at 16 with a beautiful young woman named Alyssa. Here's our story.

Some friends of mine decided we were going to meet some girls at the bowling alley. We did because one of my friends had a thing with one of the girls(Alyssa). As we walked up in the night to these three girls.. I fell in love at first site. We spent more time outside of the bowling alley just talking than we did inside bowling. At any chance I had, I would talk to her one on one. The night ends...

I later find she is in my chemistry class. For one trimester I would glance from a distance.. the second trimester we became friends. We would tease each other and we started talking outside of school. The third trimester we sat by each other. About this time she was dating someone. I also had a girlfriend. For so long we were great friends. She dated three of my close friends in this period. She had still never had sex though. When we met I hadn't either. By this point in the story I have. I had a new girlfriend for every boyfriend she had it seemed. I would get jealous of these guys.. and tell myself that someday it would work with her. I was her counselor. Her best friend. Then one day.. My best friend snapped a picture of me and her kissing in his garage. It was just the right moment... it was our first kiss since I had asked her out. 4/17/10. One of my best memories...

I grew up a very angry child. I never disrespected anyone, but when alone I would think of some pretty dark things. I truly had no good reason to think these things. This girl was the first time that I had felt so happy. I could barely stand to pull away from hugging her. It felt perfect. We celebrated our first few months. We had arguments here and there. We had sex after three months of being together. Some time passes and we broke up here and there, but never for more than a few hours. Neither of us could stand the thought of being mad at each other over night. It seemed as if being mad overnight was a loosening of our love, I couldn't let that happen.

The summer of 2011 was rough. I wanted to go out once in a while. I sacrificed time with her to do so. I just needed to drink with some friends once in a while to just let the stresses of school, and work. It was my first summer having a job. I lied, and at times I made mistakes. She wasn't clear of fault either. I just couldn't dedicated my life to her just yet. We were dating, not married. Near the end of the summer of 2011 we were apart. She started having sex with many other guys. I started drinking more often. Still with friends of course. I wasn't drinking alone... yet. I kind of fell for another girl named Heather. She was from a different school. She had her own issues. Nothing came of us. Alyssa and I got back together. I was completely happy again! I got criticism from friends. I had put a monstrous picture in their heads of Alyssa. They only heard the bad though. There was so much good that it hurt to even think about. It still hurts. We were together for the winter of 2011. The summer of 2012 started off well. Then yet again we broke up. I started drinking. She went back to partying and moved in with one of my friends. While she was there I was searching for something to make me feel good again. I got involved in an illegal business(not drugs). I was living a life of luxury.

Then one day.. at the same best friends house who took the picture of us kissing. I had a girl over there. He had his girlfriend there. We were getting extremely drunk. I got a call from Alyssa after about two weeks of no word. She said, "can I come pick you up"? I made the mistake of saying, "yes". A lot of people were rightfully mad that I left. When I was sober, I was even mad. She brought me back about an hour after I left. The girl I had brought over to my friends was furious. We weren't dating, but I can understand. I got a couple talking too's, but I was still happier than could be. She was back! We talked for a while and decided that we should give it another shot. I just couldn't handle the fact that she was living with another guy. After some time she agreed to move in with me. We lived together from September to December of 2012.

We had many plans. We were going to do so many things. I was now in my second year of college. I worked at Burger King. Her at McDonald's. We were finally completely together. Every morning waking up to her...It is now late January 2013. Just two days ago she came to get the last of her things. It saddened me the most because she would always leave something to have an excuse to come see me again sometime. This time though, she took everything. We said few words. The look in her eyes was terrible. She was just as sad as me. It's finally over. I spent a total of 4 years, 3 prom nights, and thousands of hours with with girl. I feel wrong for sitting here missing her. Only because I know she's gone for good. We have both cheated. She loved drugs, and still does. I just drank. We both lied. At the end of the day though, we both loved each other. After so much time it was impossible not too.

I now drink regularly. I date when I have time between an overwhelming amount of school and work. I can never seem to find someone who I like. I decide we shouldn't take things any farther than friends. We quit talking, and again the cycle starts. I could write a book on the details of the years I spent with her. Here is the short version. Now, with any luck at all, maybe someday she'll find this and remember me.