The Day When I Will See You Again

Faliha Ishma

I had a best friend. He's a guy. We knew each other when we were still very young, about 2 years old. Well, our mothers were best friends. That's why I knew him, because our mothers were very close. I loved talking to him. He's like a big brother to me. I was always counting on him, on whatever. He treated me well. He encouraged me when I felt sad and devastated. He hugged me when I cried. He laughed with me when I felt happy. He fought with guys who made fun of me, or even made me cry. I just loved him so much. We did everything together. We played anything, we laughed at each other, we argued sometimes, but those arguments were just made our bonds even stronger.

But, when we became teenagers, our feelings changed. Well, I still felt the same about him. But, I knew that his feeling was changed towards me. He began to look at me as a girl, not as his sister anymore. At first, I did not know about his feeling. But then he told me everything. He said he told me his feeling because he did not want to hide it from me. We always told each other everything. When he told me that, I felt empty. I did not know what to say, I did not know what to do. Should I hug him? Should I smile? Should I accept his feeling, or should I turn him down? I did not even understand my feeling back then. And, words came out of my mouth. I didn't realized that I just told him something really important. "I've already fallen for someone else. I am so sorry"

He was shocked. His eyes were wide open. I felt really guilty. What should I say? I couldn't understand anything. It happened so fast. I did not prepare for this. I closed my eyes, I was just too afraid to open my eyes. I could not look at him. But then, he smiled to me. "I know, it is okay. Even though I love you, it doesn't me that you have to love me back. My feeling for you have already changed. I can take your rejection. I know your feeling. You must be feeling so guilty right now,"
I opened my eyes. And I looked at his eyes and then whispered "I am so sorry.," He laughed. "I told you, it's okay. But can I ask you for something?" I said "What is it? You can, everything," He smiled and touched my hair "Please don't leave me. I still want to be your best friend, I still want you to love me as your brother. Can you?" I nodded. "You know I'll never leave you. You are my precious"

Then, a year after that, he went to Australia to study. I felt really sad. He was the one who asked me for not leaving him, but he was the one who left me. I was angry at him for a moment. But he still came back for once in two months. So, I forgave him immediately. Well, as long as he remembers me, everything should be fine. But, after his second presence, he was never came back again for the third or fourth time. I felt furious and worried at the same time. One night, my mom got a call. Her best friend, my best friend's mother, called her. Suddenly my mother was burst into tears. She couldn't stop crying, even when the call was already disconnected. I asked her what happened. What did my best friend's mother say to her? Why did she make my mother cry?

And then my mom said to me "Mario is sick" Mario was his name. "His mother just called me. She said that he has cancer," I laughed. I laughed because I did not believe her. When he came back for the second time, he looked healthy, he looked fine. What on earth was going on? But I knew that there's no way that my mother could possibly lie to me. And that was really a serious moment. I took a deep breath, and I asked her with stutter. Tears were filling my eyes. "What cancer, mom?" My mom still cried and she answerred "Leukimia" I felt the whole world was collapsed at that moment. Even my tears could not fall. I whispered "God, please save him"

A few months after that, I went to Australia to see him. He was at the hospital by that moment. I went to his room and I saw him. He smiled at me and he called my name, like he used to. I was really shocked. He was very skinny, and he did not have any hair left. He became a bald guy. Maybe he knew that I was looking at his head, that's why he touched his head and said "Cool, right? Even though I don't have any hair, but I still look handsome" Oh my God, he still put some jokes. I smiled at him and laughed. Even though it did not feel funny at all for me. I laughed because I wanted to make him happy, I knew that he did not want me to feel worried. That's why he made that joke.

When our mothers talked to each other outside the room, I sat on the side of his bed. He kept smiling at me. I did not say anything. I did not know what to say. I was afraid, really afraid of losing him. I held his hand, his very thin hand. He said to me "I'm glad that you came. I really miss you. Sorry, but with a condition like this, I am not allowed to go overseas. I am not even allowed to go to the amusement park or the beach, even though those places are very near from here" I smiled at him "It is okay. All you have to do is just taking a very good care for yourself. Your recovery is the most important thing right now. Don't think about anything else" He laughed, but I could see his tears. "I'll never recover. I know that my life is going to be over soon. I can feel the angel's whisper. Hahaha. This is my destiny. I can't do anything about it, can I?"

I shook my head. "No, don't ever say something like that. I won't let you die. I will never let you go," He looked at me, with a very cold expression. "We know that is an impossible thing to happen. I am very grateful for everything that I have done. I am very happy because I have a lot of friends. I am very glad that my family and you are still smiling. I love my life. I don't have any regrets. I am ready to face God. I am not scared, at all. Just let me go, okay?" I cried, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. "Let go off me. This is probably the last time I see you. Live your wonderful life without me. Be happy, okay? I will be sad if you are not happy. I love you, as a girl, and as my little sister. I just love you, and I have no reason for that. When you find someone that you love, let me know. When you get married, look up to the sky, because I'll be watching you. Okay, I guess that's enough. Go home now, don't forget me. And, be happy, Okay? Goodbye.." he said, with a smile on his face and tears on his eyes. I hugged him, I did not want to let him go. Because I was afraid, if I let him go, he would leave me, and never come back. I hugged him tight. "Goodbye..."

He's already gone. He was right. That was the last time I saw him. Now, I can not feel his hug anymore, I can not hold his hand anymore, I can not see his smiling face, I can not see him cry. I just want to see him, just one more time. Can I? Well, I guess someday I can see him. Before that time, I will always pray for him and live my life with happiness on my face. "God, please take care of him"