A hot summer morning......

sharky

It was a hot summer morning; I woke up feeling dizzy and stressed out. I was not in the mood for work, so I decided to take a one day leave. But I don’t want to spend the whole day staying at home and lying in my bed. I wanna go somewhere, somewhere where I know I can find peace. So, I jumped out of bed, took a shower, put on my comfortable clothes, my favorite shoes, put on my makeup and I am ready to go.

I hit the road to visit my significant other… so excited at last I finally have time to be with him. It may be a good time to patch things up...we are on rocks this past days. When I finally arrive at their house, there was his little sister standing in the front door. So I smiled at her and asked where her Kuya is. The little girl in her cute little voice shouts for her older brother’s name. And there he is…he go out from their house and take hold of my arms and we went outside. Seeing him a bit stressed and anxious gives me a signal that something fishy is going on… And boom! There it is his ex-wife/girlfriend or what so ever followed us outside. Right there and then I have all the explanation I’ve been seeking for these past days why our relationship was on the rocks... Why he suddenly, easily gets irritated and stressed out, suddenly no weekend’s dates and we seldom see each other.

At first I thought that we are both busy on our work and have very tight schedules, but I was wrong, how stupid I am that I don’t listen to the early warning signals inside my head….. I am so stubborn that I let myself be in a situation that I will be badly hurt. There I’ve found out that they’ve been living in together for a couple of weeks without me knowing it. I was so badly hurt, I am so confused and been too hurt and been too lazy to get angry with him. Although I wanted to punched him in the face and tell him hurtful words just to get even. But I never did! I composed myself and get the hell out of that place… deep inside I don’t know where to go… For this past 8 years I am with him, he was my confidante, whenever things get worst and I don’t know what to do, I found myself at his doorstep and with just one hug from him, it feels like I’ve been recharged back to life…but it was all in the past…when it was “me” that he loves, or I thought it was me that he loves the most, well again I was wrong……and again I felt that I am so stupid because I still love him, though I know that we will never be together again, somehow I hope somewhere, sometime if we are really meant to be together, time will give us another chance, maybe to make things right or maybe just to END things right…

I don’t know but one thing’s for sure, despite all the bad memories I still wants him to be happy with the decision that he made…..even if it not includes me……and at the same time, I’ve found out something about myself that I never thought I have. I never thought that I am this strong that despite all the hurt, the pain, the betrayal, and no matter how broken I am, I still managed to pick up all the pieces of my broken heart, my broken self, move on with my life and start anew. Well, moving on is a continuous process and right now I am in the process of following and making my dreams come true. He may not be a part of my life anymore but somehow I am grateful that he BECAME a part of my life, because it is with him that I learned how to truly and deeply fall in love. Now I learn to love myself more than anyone else in this world, and I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall in love again if that love will make me sacrifice myself worth and dignity……I will wait till that someone who will respect me, cherish me, love me and accept me for who I am will come along, then that will be the right time for me to fall in love again……