I'm An Idiot

Meghan

I was in 6th grade and I thought that I could do this. You know, go out with an older guy. I was in 6th grade while he was in 9th. I was 12 while he was 16. I wish I had never even met him. But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's jump back about 3 months ago (which is in March).

One day in march, the 9th grader, let's call him James, was sitting with me at a table at church. there were other people but I didn't pay much attention to them. I had known James for about 3 months and I started to get a little crush on him. I know, crazy right? I must have blanked out for a little bit because one moment we are talking about the food and next minute we are talking about phones and phone numbers. He asked me if I had a phone and I said yes but that I forgot it at home. He didn't believe me and he said that if I really had a phone then I should text him later, and he gave me his phone number.

As any girl would do when given the opportunity to talk to their crush, I texted James and told him it was me and for about a month I have been texting and occasionally calling him. After about a month, he sent me a text saying, "hey BF" and I thought about what to send back. I could have sent, "bf?" or "hey" or anything, but do you know what I sent back? I sent back "hey BF" with the intention of starting the conversation about 'us.' he sent back something that, a year later, I wished he had never said. "do you want to be my girlfriend?" was what he sent back. with out even thinking I sent back three little letters. Y-E-S.

I thought that we were going to last forever. but that thought was shattered 3 months later. It was a movie night at my church. It was called "To Save A Life," awesome movie by the way unless you don't like to cry. Anyway, after the movie was over and most people left, some of the people that came helped clean. James and I were one of those people. See now my pastor has a rule about no purple [guy (blue) + girl (pink) = purple]. He had somehow found out that me and James were dating and talked to James about it first. I wasn't there at the time so I'm just going to get to the part I got involved.

James came up to me and started apologizing for something but he didn't actually say what he was sorry for. as the "nice" person that I am, I forgave him. my mom was behind me and whispered in my ear that she would explain everything on the way home. The dreaded car ride home. I could explain it in only two words. Heartbreak and Misery. She explained everything that I was too scared to hear from James. According to James who had told my pastor who had told my mom, the person who I thought was James was actually his friends. My emotions had been torn apart. I felt like my emotions and feelings was a puppet and James and his stupid friends the ones who were controlling them. When I got home, I ran straight for my room and shut the door. I climbed into my bed and started crying and wouldn't stop till four in the morning.

From then on I tried to pretend everything was fine. But that didn't last long. Soon afterward the "breakup" a friend of mine asked how James was and I started to cry and with having my reputation as the strong and tough girl, when I cried, everyone noticed and started to talk about it. I took my friends hand and ran to the nearest bathroom. I told her everything. She was so helpful. When I stopped crying, we went to our classes and any time anyone could they tried to ask why I was crying and I just didn't answer them, it was too painful to talk about in class.



It has been a year since the whole situation but I can't seem to get him out of my head. every time I see him, all I remember is the pain and suffering I had went through.