The abandoned soul

Empty soul

My heart aches and I am only a shell of a person. I set the appearance of being calm, cool, and collected, but I feel so lonely inside. I have no one. I am all alone on this earth. My "friends" do not care about me, they only want things from me.

When I was young, I used to be so happy and cheerful until my mother began to emotionally torment me. She beat me with wire hangers, extension cords, and wires. Of course, to her she was only " punishing me for misbehaving" but I knew she was only taking out her frustrations. To this day I will not forget the bruises she left me and the pain and torment that she caused me. Always calling me stupid and saying I would not amount to any hiring. Truth is, I forgive her because she is my mother..

A few years later, I have entered middle school. That is when my mothers rage finally began to calm down, but little did I know something far worse was coming. At the age of 12, two of my friends had committed suicide. I was left in ruins, and the audacity of my loved ones to just tell me to "get over it". It stung and felt like my heart had been torn from my chest, murdered in cold blood. Through that darkness a light shined. A very special girl, she listened to me and I did the same for her. Not because we felt like we owed to each other, but because we both truly cared for one another. I am glad she was there for she helped me through a lot. To this day I believe she is the reason I did not "opt out" of my life back then.

Years later this girl and I became very close and eventually became a couple. We lasted for a good while, about a year or two before we drifted apart. To this day the reason is because " life got in the way". I eventually acquired some friends but they were not true friends. Only talking to me when they needed something or wanted cigs. They never talked to me or listened or cared . They just felt like they owed me something which they didn't but I wish they had cared. I cannot shake this feeling of being alone.

I do not belong to any group or clic. I am all alone in this world. Very few family no friends. Being bullied and teased weighs heavily on my soul. I can't shake the feeling of depression and sorrow. Sometimes I wish I were dead, no one would miss me. Being alone in an abyss, walking trying to reach something, someone but this is only a concept and I know deep down I will never attain it. Feeling helpless and hopeless is my everyday routine. Stuck in a dead end job with a dim future is no help. I have no hope, and agony consumes..

So here is the story of a misguided boy. One that never found light at the end of the tunnel, only miles more of treacherous terrain. a boy who's fill with hatred. A boy who grew into a shell of a man. Left as rubble to fend for himself. A man that wishes he knew the warm embrace if a friend. One who will soon become nothing more than a fragment of time..