I Failed

ddangkochimp

Hi there, call me simply ddangko,, well, just straight to the point that I've failed at my first job after 3 months probation. yes, I didn't pass that probation, and I'm always rejected whenever I apply job. All the interviewer I faced always look at me like,,"ah, you failed the probation"

I used to work at junior programmer at some digital agency. Sooner I've found that the workload was really out of my capacity,, I don't have a strong logic and problem solving ability that a programmer should (have been) have (had). Maybe when it comes to learn, I had lack of catching and convincing a brand new thing that came up to me simultaneously. In any scope of subject. So here now it hurts me a lot that I realized I only made my private tutor feed up,tired, irritated, bored,annoyed…this happened to all the tutor that has ever taught me privately, Because I learned really slowly, though I work so hard.

There , my manager, and all senior were often mad at me because I took really long time to understand case and solve it. they seemed like, "aaghh,ddangko!! you even didn't understand the basic logic!!" I remember when they put me in a small room, asked things I didn’t know, tried my weakness as a slow learner explosively,finally ignore me, Even if I tried my best,It was something that I couldn’t do about. The tears dropped on my keyboard, when the witness was only God, the error program, the laptop screen and touchpad. I asked people, the more I asked, the more I got confuse. the more they knew my weakness,a slow learner.

I didn't stop, I faced the problem no matter how hard the times were. Till after 3 months I held on, they said I couldn't continue to work there. I am very ashamed, I told a lie to everyone, I said I made my resign. and I really hurt when I hang out with my friends, especially my best friend. We talk about the things we’ve been done along the pass 2 years after graduation. Where she works, where I work, what she’s done so far..and She proudly tells where she works,achievement she got,project she’s done,prospective client she met,good meeting place to go,good position..Me, on the other hand. That failure seems to ruin everything in me. My working spirit feels blocked.

what should I do? I think hard work still can't redeem anything for me as a slow learner.