If it will ever be.

here we go again.

this is long story, but it's good :)

Jacob. You don't really know what you have till its gone. Yeah in this situation that is what feel.
Maybe if i said my whole history with him it would be easier to understand. 6th grade the start of middle school, i had no classes with any of my friends, My boyfriend going into middle school was seth. I felt like the luckiest girl to be with him.
On the first day i walked into math. We got our assigned seats i was at a table with Jacob and a girl named Brianna. He was that little nerdy kid with the bowl cut that i would never think he was cute then. I made a friend in that class her name was allison, she said she was like in love with Jacob. She told me all about him and that he never would like her.

After awhile Allison got a boyfriend so she was done with him so i thought you know i could just be friends with him if he was so nice. I said hi the 3rd week of school and right then we became best friends. I was still dating Seth but then he started to act weird. One day my two best friends came up to me and said that he wanted to break up. I was a mess. Jacob was the only one their for me. I cried to him and everything. When Katy my best friend told me that seth broke up with me cause his family thought i was ugly it tore me to shreds. Jacob was still the only one their for me. Month's past and everything got better. Someone was like Kellyn! Jacob like's you. I was shocked...

It made me relize that he is the one i wanted to be with along.
We only dated for like 4 days because people teased me and him so it didnt work out. but then for like a year we were on and off.

Then the last month of 7th grade. I felt like he was the only person i wanted to be with. Well like a perfect thing he liked me too. But i wasnt ready for a boyfriend. then it was his birthday, he said kellyn all i want from you is to have you. It was amazing. How could you refuse that? so we dated all summer. Then Jacob started getting hot, like amazing... So girls started to like him more and more. That's when i started getting jealous because girls told me that jacob said all this stuff to him like oh my god you are so much better then kellyn. I broke up with him. i couldnt deal with it anymore... but you know i used 2 guys to get over him because he found my other best friend sarah. It was so hard. after they broke up me and jacob started talking again. Then that didnt work out cause he still loved sarah.

I asked him the one question that i needed to know, "Why did you tell Caitlyn and Kelly those things last summer?"
He said Kellyn, I swear on My life i never did that.
I knew right then i made the biggest mistake of my life last summer.

Now I dont know what i am supposed to do. Everyday it gets harder. He is my best friend but that's not what i want.
It's like i can't breathe around him and everything. I lay in my bed at night for hours hating myself because i made that mistake.

You dont know what you got until its gone