Forever

kat

The Last Words
Angel Fawn
*I adapted this to fit more with my story, respects all paid to Angel Fawn!!!*
It's been a while since I remembered him. My brother Chris was 16, he had lung cancer. He was growing weaker and weaker, he coughed and coughed and breathing was becoming hard for him. Very hard... He couldn’t stop coughing, (*cough, cough, cough*) the sweet sound of his voice swept out of his pain filled body, letting me hope. Hope that he’d live. The doctor’s had told us that he had months to live.
I remember back when we were just kids. Mom took us out to the dandelion field behind our park and some kids were playing tag through the meadow. The light blowing through the air flew directly into our hearts.
“Hey ugly,” one kid yelled. I looked up.
“Yeah you ugly! You and your cripple brother!” Another kid yelled.
Mom wasn’t paying attention. Neither was Chris. But I remember the shock I felt. Chris and I weren’t ugly or crippled. We were just… us. Chris never seemed to notice the looks people gave us when I wheeled him to the corner store or the way people made noises of disgust when his coughs made hacking noises from the mucus lodged in his lungs.
But I remember the feelings I felt when people judged him. Chris was so trusting of the world, especially with his illness.
Chris and I… we weren’t normal. We would always be the hideous sister and the crippled brother.
2 days before Christmas, We went to the hospital to visit him. Because doctors expected him to pass very soon, and they didn't want us at home to die. Die. Whenever I heard that word. DIE. Why…why…why... Lying on that bed with his sweet face and his smile. Laying down in so much agony, he was happy... He acted like he had no cancer, and like he was celebrating the normal Christmas. He laughed, he coughed, but then… he began to cry. He looked me right in the eye, and told me these words; the words that still and make me cry to this day

"I need you to know some things. No matter what happens to me, even if I die, I am begging you not to mourn. I want you to continue on with life, and comfort mom and dad, and everybody else. Whatever is in my room, just tell mom and dad to sell everything, and say I said so. And, with all the money that is earned, use it to buy yourself some extra presents. They can make my bedroom into anything they want, as long as you agree. You're their only child now, they will likely listen. Even if I die today, or tomorrow, just keep me in your heart and mind. I will always be with you, no matter what. It's my time to go, and you're time to live. Even if it’s still, keep it beating in your memory." And then he carefully hugged me, as tight as he could, but I could still feel the glass of his bones and the paper of his skin.
I love you… I can’t go on without you… why? I pray and I pray and I PRAY! WHY IS IT YOU WHY ISN’T IT ME WHY IS IT SOMEONE GOOD WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH EVIL OUT THERE? THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH WORLD BUT YOU, you Chris. You are so pure. What did you do to deserve this? And now, you lying here, telling me to erase your memory? You’ll be gone Chris. Gone forever.
“No, you got it wrong sister, without you, I wouldn’t die…. happy, with you here I could never die unhappy ( COUGH COUGH ) I love you so much, I never was good at saying goodbye, time goes by so fast girl… it does.. Please remember what I told you… I love you. I’ll be with you forever.”
Sitting on that hospital bed next to my brother, the tears were different… upon that moment the peace and tranquility filled the world… since that very moment, I made a promise. A promise to have his memory forever.
I couldn't understand why he said goodbye to me right then, but now I do. I thought he was saying goodbye because he might not get the chance later, but that was only half the reason. On Christmas, mom got a call from the hospital.
“Hello ma’am, I hope you’re having a merry Christmas!” a cheery woman’s voice rang from the phone
“Hello,” mom muttered, ringing her hands. “How’s my baby Chris doing?”
“Well,” the woman stated. “We’ve been having issues since about 9 this morning. Unfortunately, your son Christopher has passed away this morning.”
With that, mother broke into heaving sobs. Her frail body shook with tears that came from the terror of her only son’s death. I cried for hours and hours, but i finally got the control to tell them what I had promised him. Erase the world of his memory.
We made 88 dollars from all his stuff. I didn't use the money, and to this day I still have the 88 dollars in my wallet
I don't know where I go from here. I felt like an empty shell. I cried for hours that day. I still cry. But I know now that Chris wanted me to survive. He wanted me to comfort everyone. Be strong for everyone. For Chris.
The reason he said goodbye to me on the 23rd was because the doctors told him he had 2 days left to live, and they were right. Ironically enough, hospital wouldn't allow him any visitors on Christmas Eve. I swear every day that passes you’re in it. Forever is a word that doesn’t always stay true. But my brother, he’ll always be forever. I know realize why he died. So he could be forever.
Forever. I love you. Forever.