Painful Love.

Nuha

Some of you probably have gone through this, But so far ive been feeling alone.

Well, There was this boy he was 17 at the time and i was 16. He was in my class and ive had a crush on him, id be so stupid and ask people about him. later on he adds me on Facebook, when i first saw it, the butterflies in my stomach, i felt like i could just float on cloud 9, that's how happy i was.
He said "hey" and i replied with a hey back.
we started talking more and more each day and say hey in person and have small talks. i was so happy to have him add me. I will admit. i wasn't the most beautiful girl he has seen. he was attractive, i was pretty big and i was just a mess, an insecure mess so i never thought he would like me.

Days past, and than i receive a message on Facebook. when i checked it out. my heart dropped. i was shocked. he asked me out. April, 7, 2012. there was no way that someone so attractive could date someone like me, i thought. could it be true? or is he messing around with me? so much was going through my mind.

OF COURSE! I said yes! who wouldn't? i mean, it was the happiest day of my life. it made me forget all the problems at home, the bullying and all the drama i went through. i actually felt happy for once in my life that i have someone who actually likes me for me.

He treated me so beautifully. like in this generation, i never knew there would be guys like this.
After that, we started fighting, and we kept breaking up. so our relationship was on and off.
I lost a lot of weight, that's what happens when i go into depression. I fell into depression when we weren't together but he went out with another girl. she was skinnier and prettier than me.

i felt so ugly, fat and i just felt like i was worth nothing.
so i didn't eat, i starved myself.. i was 160 and i am now 128 pounds. i still feel like i need to lose more.
While he was with her. he told me he still loves me and he can never forget about me.
i believed him because i was the reason why we broke up and i was the reason he found someone else.


He broke up with her and got with me.! i was happy once again and i worked hard to keep our relationship strong.
we made a year and a few months.
than again, it all fell apart.
i would cry every night. i ask myself "what did i do to deserve this?"
all i ever wanted was to find love and when i do, i get heartbroken.
He began talking to his ex, and he would look at other girls a**. he asked a girl if he could touch her a** and she allowed him and he did it.
he wanted to pierce his ex girlfriends vagina.
I was so disgusted and disappointed.
all i ever wanted was to make his dad proud, for him to graduate, for him to stop lying.
to quit weed and ciggs.
i wanted him to grow up and realize what life and love really is but he was so lost in this generation. i failed to do that.
i broke up with him, i let him go.
i was tired of being lied to. a year and 8 months..he let that go.
He made feel like it was all my fault. he made me believe he loved me. i risked my life for him, i gave him the world..and he threw me like im nothing. there's not one day that passes without me crying, people say im losing too much weight but i still feel like im the ugliest person.
He was my first love, and i feel like he killed it all for me. January, 3, 2014