Seems Like Yesterday When I Last Talked to You

Jane Sherwood

My stepfather suggested I post this story here so maybe that I can feel better telling someone about the tragedy that happened years ago of losing my most precious best friend.. my sister.

My mother gave birth to my sister on her first marriage, after her husband died of lung cancer due to heavy smoking she married again and had me, then my parents divorced when I was about 3 because my father cheated on her and made another lady pregnant...Then she married again, thankfully this time she married the right man. We were so happy as a family, we had our first family camp, picnic, and field trip, I wore matching clothing and shoes with my sister and we did everything together, but happiness never lasts long.

My mother had a car accident when I was 5, our family broke apart again. My sister went to study in France because she wants to become a french teacher and my aunt moved in to take care of me. I was really shocked and can't get over the death of my mother. I would constantly stare at the empty space in the bed where she used to sleep, where she would be when I had a nightmare and come running into my parents' room...and tears would flood in my eyes and I would start to cry, then my aunt would come and try to comfort me.

My sister came to visit every year in Christmas with matching clothes for the both of us to wear and other matching gifts and teach me french. I love Christmas, all the family and friends will be able to get together and I can be with my sister. Every year she grew more and more like mom and even had similar personalities like mom, and I began to think of her as my mother..When I was about 7 or 8 she moved back to America, that time she was 17. She is a wonderful sister, she is extremely patient and doesn't mind at all whenever I tag along with her or stay in her room.

She never got the teacher job and I was very confused about what job she has, I guess it's a job on the internet or something because she is always typing on her laptop when I was in her room and I'm sure it's not chatting or anything like that. I never dared ask because she doesn't like me being snoopy and all.

She helped me get over the shock about the death of my mother, it was as if that never happened, she is like the exact duplicate of mother except younger, beautiful silky dark brown hair and big brown eyes, the sense of humor and the I-Know-What's-Right-For-You attitude is just like mother..

Her suicide is like a nightmare on Christmas morning that haunted me forever. It was a jolly and holy Christmas night, but she doesn't seem well, of course I questioned her but she said she's fine. The next morning, Christmas morning, I woke up and went to my sister's room...but she wasn't there, I rushed downstairs only to find my aunt and stepfather in the living room with teary eyes. I asked what happened and they hesitated and told me that my sister passed away. I asked if they are joking, they said no, I screamed STOP JOKING!! on top of my lungs over and over and tears flooded my eyes once again, I couldn't take this shock, it's like losing my mother again and my mind screamed WHY?!?!? over and over...

The shock was so strong that it affected me psychologically and I need to be home-schooled and I need to go and see a psychiatrist every once a week..until now. Now I'm 16, and I really miss her, I'm so lonely without her, she's been my only friend through all the tragedies and now she's gone...I hope I can get over it soon...je t'aime