Seasons Worth Re-living....

CrystalWolfTear

Have you ever wondered why you feel a certain way in a particular season? Have you ever counted down the days to that season? Well, I certainly have, although I never searched for a reason; it was buried inside my heart a long time before I fell in love with it. Its a bit confusing as to my feelings for the particular seasons, for one thing; I dread the seasons yet I admire them just the same...I guess I'd call it a love-hate relationship between the two seasons that I love.

Autumn is my time of year which gets me ready for my "depressive" state. I always sit alone in my room staring out of my window, rethinking my life and just admiring the long nights and the lack of sun during most hours. It is also the time when I recall the time of my life. I was in year 7 back in 2010; aged 11. My crush (which I barely knew since we met 3 weeks earlier at the start of the school year) and I were placed together on almost every subject so I had no choice than to fall in love with his jokes...etc.

However, it all started when my friend started joking around that I "like" him; which in that case wasn't true at that precise moment; however after a few jokes from her side, he started believing her and he fell for me, I of course did the same after he asked me out.

Now that may be the reason for my love for Autumn; I guess he was my first crush and I did get heart broken after we broke up but looking on the bright side he made me stronger and all that stuff...However I do find Autumn a bit of a self reflection day. Hmm, which surprises me cause we had a reflection day with our whole year group in September haha...
Anywho; something about Autumn makes me want it to last forever; the dried up leaves, the half bare trees... the cold air. The shorter days and longer nights. The feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. There are many things that made me love Autumn; most probably because it was the season that was almost "magic" before I turned into a mess scarcely able to return to normal state.

But I couldn't hide my love for Winter either. I love the way the snow hides all the imperfections that the world may hold; such a magical time when a lot of people stay inside admiring the whiteness and bringing each other closer. Of course, I'm not very fond of family togetherness.... I guess I can say that during winter, in year 7, it snowed really badly; the first bad winter here in the UK since I last remember. We were let out on the field to have a huge snowball fight, and can you imagine 1000 students all throwing snow around on a huge field? Unbelievable how many people got hurt that day. Well, anyway; it was the time when I got my own back on my crush. I just couldn't resist getting a huge chunk of snow and tipping it all over my crush. He was literally buried under snow; I knew I won until he picked himself up and threw snow right in my face. Boys, they never know when to stop lol.

I love these two seasons because they made me realize who I was, before I turned into a messed up pile of rubbish. Not literally, but it seems like I have lost those things that matter to me most. I lost my family, I lost most of my friends and now I believe I lost the will to fight for my life. But I guess that I have also become more wiser, stronger and funnier. I learnt to share my funny side even though I bear scars underneath. You see, its better to make other happy than down them with your problems. Its better to leave the world and be remembered as a person who gave comfort, joy and happiness rather than being remembered as a miserable little git with no sympathy for others than themselves.

But of course; A legend dies early leaving great memories behind...