Goodbye means I love you

Monstrous Angel

To be right doesn't mean to be happy...
I didn't expect to meet you in unexpected time. When I saw you, you're smiling and it made my day. You were the perfect example of my ideal man. I want to be near you yet I am afraid. I want to be your friend yet I can't utter any word when you're near me. I was so shy then, I didn't know what to say. When it's time to say goodbye, I heard your laughter’s and its music to my ears.

After a year, we met again. My feelings for you were still there. I guess it became deeper. I really liked you a lot. I liked how you talk, how you smile, and how you laugh. When you saw me, you hugged me and treated me as your close friend. Oh! I felt heaven. I wanted to hug you back but I can't. I felt like I am trembling. I didn't want that to end.
I noticed that you were really like that to all. You hugged everyone and treated them nicely too. I was bitten by the reality that I am not special after all. Yet this heart of mine was really hard-headed. No matter how much I've tried to stop this feeling, yet it won't.

Then one night you just hugged me with no reason at all. You just said you're thankful to know someone like me. Someone who accepted you for what you are. I felt great when you said those words. Somehow, you gave me hope. Hope that maybe I am special.
I am asking GOD to forgive me for wanting you. You belong to him. Loving you is forbidden. How could I love someone who can never be mine no matter what I do? Then again, he really wanted to test my faith. We met again, working together again. During those times, I really wanted to hold your hand. I really wanted you to stay with me. I really wanted to take you away from him, away from them, but I just can't. I witnessed how happy you were with them, when you served, when you were able to help them, when you carried those little kids who needed your attention. I can't be so selfish.

Who can blame me? You showed me your kindness. You were there when I was hurt by someone. You were a believer of my capacity. You encourage me. You gave me your time. You've been a good friend. I fall for you deeply.

Then one day, we were able to realize. We started to keep our distance. We can never be too closed. We started to avoid sending messages to each other. We started to focus more on each responsibility. Never had it happened that I didn't think of you. Before I went to bed, I thought of you. When I'm alone, I thought of you. Why I can't just forget you?
There were times that I wanted to call you. I wanted to talk to you how my day was. I wanted to let you know that I missed you but I'm afraid, afraid of what might be the answer. What if you will say you missed me too? Do I even deserve to have you? Am I good enough?
But I guess this love will remain hidden, when I look at you now, I know I made the right choice. No matter how painful it is, I know I did the right thing. I will love you always even though I can never have you.