If I knew it would end

Kevin

It has been almost 3 years... Jacob has been the love of my life. We shared every moment together good and bad. Everyone taught we were going to be together forever, but forever was too long. I taught we were going to be something; have a small apartment, kids, long old memories, but that dream just didn't come through.

We met at a party. We had been chosen by our parents to be partners for a girl's dance. When we first met, it was awkward.. I had never knew this guy and now I was suppose to hold his hand and dance with him? He was pretty annoying, something he tripped me on purpose, and It irritated me. I even told my mom I wanted to get out, but she insisted I continue with the dance. Months of practicing the dance with Jacob, we got to know each other. He didn't trip me no more or bug me. I think I was falling for this kid who I hardly knew. We began to text, take stuff away from each other, and call each other cute names. After a year of talking we kind of were a couple. My friend and him set up a plan on how he was going to ask me out. It was at the fair, he was going to ask me out on the Ferris wheel. That day all the plans were spoiled, I didn't get permission from my parents to go to the fair. I knew I had to see him, so I secretly drove to the fair. I saw him there, but something wasn't right. He seemed sad, lost, confused. I didn't know what was wrong.. I couldn't stay very long, so I left because things seemed weird. He walked me to my car, and no words were said, then I left.

Days passed and things seemed weird. One day he asked me to go to the bowling alley with him. I agreed and we had so much fun. Then we headed to a mountain in the city were you can see the whole city from the top. We sat there and it was getting kind of late. The city's light just were so amazing and beautiful that I knew that something beautiful was going to happen. We talked about our life's, and how weird it was that we got partnered up together. He then said he had to ask me something.... It took some time for the words to come out, but eventually they did. "Do you want to be my girlfriend." I then said no. But immediately said just kidding of course. We then hugged and I was so happy.

Time passed by and we texted 24\7. We became so attached to each other, that we did everything together. I went to his family parties, got to know his family, and vice-versa. Hes horse was the first horse I got to ride in my life. He taught me how to drive stick-shift, which was pretty hard. We went on trips and had so much fun. I knew this guy was going to be the guy who I spent my whole life with.

Since the first day of us dating he told me one thing. He said he was extremely jealous when it came to me talking, or making contact with other guys, and I told him I accepted that. Little did I know this would end our relationship and my crush my dreams.

I left out of the country for a month, and wasn't going to have my phone service. Me and him said our goodbyes, and hugged. While over there, all I could think of was him. Parties everyday blocks away from were I stayed, but never called my attention. I just wanted to see him. My parents liked to see new places so we travel quite a lot. We had a land line phone there at the house we stayed, and he called a couple of times. Most of the times, I wasn't home. But when we were able to talk, I just wanted to cry when I heard his voice. It sounded so far away from me. When I returned home everything was great when I saw him.

1 year into the relationship he became more and more jealous. He got extremely mad about little things. Hes anger was quite different then any I had ever seen. It seemed like he needed anger management. He threw stuff, hit stuff, couldn't control himself once he hit that level. The first time I experienced this it shocked me. He punched the wall right behind me, and left. For a second I had a feeling he was going to hit me. He said he would never hit me, I wasn't sure if i believed him or not. We had many argument that took days to fix, which i hated. There were times in which he was the sweetest guy in the world, bringing me flowers, taking me out to eat, going to parties. But then again there was those explainable moments in which only me and him knew about, the moments in which he screamed at me, cussed at me, pushed me...

I never told my friends no one about the stuff that happen between us. When we would argue things would get out of hand. I would have bruises on my hand from when he would grab me, or sometimes scratched as well. He told me I was the one who caused him to become this person. He would tell me to leave when he got mad, because he knew he would get violent. I knew that too, but I don't know why I never listened. It's like I wanted to hurt my self. After our fights my hands would be bruised, and I would always have to wear long sleeves so my parents wouldn't see what happened to me. I hated it when someone would question me on what happened to my hand, because I never had a good answer. So many things happened between us that I can't believe we let those things happened. I can't believe I tolerated so many things.

last argument we had happened a week ago. He asked if it was okay for him to go away this weekend with his friends. I said yes. The weekend before he was going to leave, my friends asked me to go out to celebrate a birthday party. I agreed and told Jacob I had plans this Saturday. It kind of upset him since "Saturday's were our Day." But later said it was fine. We texted but I felt something was wrong. I asked him if something was bugging him, but he kept saying he was fine. That Saturday I was in charge to train some new guy at my work. I had told Jacob but he wasn't to happy with it. While training the guy, another employer came in and started talking to the guy I was training. He later said he went to school with her, and I said oh. He was a high school student still , while I was going to college. Jacob joked about if I was flirting with the guy and I said no. I told him he was still in high school. He then got mad and said that I was talking to him now?! I said no, he just told me since he knew one of the girls that worked here. He then stopped texting me, I tried to make him understand nothing was wrong. I got him to agree to have lunch with me that day. We went to a Chinese restaurant, and things didn't seem right anymore. We sat there looking at the ordering menu, no hug, no kiss... The spark seemed to have left our relationship. I tried to make convo with him, but he seemed in a bad mood, not wanting to talk. I kept asking him what was wrong, and that's when he snapped. He said if I didn't shut up, he was going to leave. He was on his phone the entire time, so I reached over and took it. He got up and headed toward the door. I grabbed my purse and left the restaurant. I saw him stop to pay for the food we had ordered, I still had his phone in my hand. I left it outside some bench, got in my car and left. I didn't want to go home after what had happened, for sure we were done now! I went to a place in the river, where I like to look at the water and just let my tears flow. I was there for 2 hours, and left home. I took a nap, and was awaken by my sister saying Jacob was outside, I was shocked wondering what he wanted. I went outside and he asked to give him his phone back, I said I did not have his phone. He then left and said for my dam stupid fault he got jacked and left....... Last time I saw him. That day I went out with my friend to the birthday day party. We ended up going to the city to eat, and go a girls night out. Jacob hated it when I went to dances without him, but I left no caring what he might of said. That same night i received a text from a unfamiliar number. I knew it was Jacob. I knew he was going to try to put me down, so I deleted the text without even reading it. After that day no calls, texts, nothing. Its been a week and still nothing. I had surely taught we were going to fix this, but I guess not. I still think about him, he was the guy who knew everything about me, things that my friends didn't even know. The guy that I could count on for everything. My phone always lost battery because I would be texting 24\7, now it stays above 90%. Something i think to my self if I was to nice to this guy that he just got bored of me. I always did what he wanted, always try to make him happy. I knew that before my happiness, I always wanted to make him happy, if he hasn't happy, neither was I. I just felt like I fell to hard for this guy, and expected more. I was so nice to him, wasted my money on him, my time, everything, and I knew he loved me, but something I taught to myself... not enough like me though. All my dreams of having apartment ended, a family with him, a future, all because of hes jealousy. Hearing sad music helps, there are so many songs out there that describe what i am feeling, and I feel like he is doing fine without me, but I cant stand the fact that hes gone.

If i knew it was going to end, I wouldn't of fell so easy for him. I wouldn't of wasted almost 3 years of my life for a guy. I wouldn't of took all the pains, the fights, the words that I cried entire nights for. If i knew that it was going to end I wouldn't of handed my life to him. Never had I had my heart been broken, now i am scared to fall in love ever again. I am scared that if he ever does come back, I fall again, and the cycle begins all over again. My heart is too nice to turn down someone, I can never hurt no one, cheat on them nothing, I just feel like that's my weakness.