The 6 year story......

Dee

I was a tender 21, she was a strong 26... I fell in love the moment i met her.. She had an amazing sense of humor, a carefree heart, and not to mention she was stunning.. I still remember the first time i met her 6 years ago in September... She picked me up and we went on a date to Target, little did i know that she would change my life for ever.. i remember feeling butterflies as the time to see her got nearer, She picked me up and i clearly remember her telling me I was so much more beautiful in person.. Oh yes i forgot to mention we met online.. We went to Target to buy her dogs food and treats, then she took me over to her house, I met her family, we played with her dogs and grabbed something to eat after.. I remember looking into her eyes and feeling gushy inside, I can truly say i fell in love that day... We talked and got to know each other more, we laughed, and truly had such a good time... There was no way i could have ever known the way it would end, or that it would even end to begin with..

At that time she was always ready to have a good time, she always wanted to be out and about, dinner, movies, hiking this girl was constantly on the go.. i remember there were times i couldn't join her out and she would throw fits, she would say mean things to me and tell me that she no longer wanted to talk to me anymore.. you see the thing is that this girl was not used to being told "no".. She always got her way, even as a child the true definition of "spoiled rotten".. So yes she would throw angry fits whenever i couldn't make it out.. I didn't like that about her but for some reason I continued to fall in love with her more and more although she pushed me away.. There would be months of talking and hanging out, love making and making up.. and then there would be months that she would be angry at me, we wouldn't talk or see each other.. No matter what i always loved her.. I never quite understood why, but i did... I remember she had other "people" she would hang out with when i could not make it out.. This stuff made me so jealous.. I hated her for going out with other people (other potential partners), i remember at that point in time i still had her on social media, so she would update her statuses stating how much fun she was having with those other people, yet every time her and i hung out, no posts like that were ever put up.. That always made me feel so small.. So sad, But still I was in love with her.. Although i knew she was not mine.. And most likely would never be mine.. During that time we had what i call a "Random relationship" i would say booty call but that's just not what it was, it was more than that.. i would come over on the weekends, stay the whole weekend, we would hook up and act like a couple, but as soon as Sunday came, it would be time for me to go home and things would go back to being random, and sometimes even awkward.. Until the next weekend would roll around..

There was a moment in time where we stopped talking for about a year, But she still crossed my mind, i still longed for her, longed for her kiss, her caress, her love.. Finally one day i got an email with her name on it.. We chit chatted for a bit, trying to catch up.. and let me tell you my heart beat a million times a minute that day, i would so anxiously wait for every email, she finally asked to see me and of course i had to say YES! On my next day off i saw her, and it was as if time never passed... We still got along so great, we still had that connection, we still knew we loved each other.. We began exclusively seeing each other going out on dates and spending so much time together, July 1st 2011 she asked me to go with her to the mall, i went, we had a great time we tried riding the ferris wheel but it was shut down.. so we just went to a Chinese food place and had lunch.. After our meal she asked if i wanted my fortune cookie and i said no, i was so full.. When we were finally leaving the mall she told me she was going to eat her cookie, that was when i said i wanted mine too.. i opened up her cookie and my fortune was different It was a small piece of paper with her writing and it read "So beautiful you are, will you be my one and only?" I began crying and looked her in her eyes.. I said YES YES YES! (she then told me the original plan was to ask me on the ferris wheel) At the end of the day she was all i had ever wanted.. Just her and i finally after 3 years of me wanting to be with her.. That was the beginning of the Chris and Dayanna story..

We became best friends, we told each other everything, we laughed at the same things, yet we could also have serious conversations.. What hurts most now is reminiscing about all those talks we had about our future together.. How our lives would be together.. Moving out, Planning trips... just sharing our lives together... We often bought each other cute gifts and wrote each other the sweetest letters.. By then i was 22 and she was 28.. So many of my "fist times" were with her.. When it came to food, traveling, concerts, just always trying new things.. She taught me so much, and i fell completely and utterly in LOVE, my every text in the morning was to her, my every thought throughout the day was her, my every text before bed was to her.. There was never a shortage of me telling her how much i loved and adored her, and how lucky i was to be with her.. She did the same to me, we were two peas in a pod.. We went to family events, we were all just one big happy family, i was always included in her family gatherings.. It was by far the best relationship i had ever been in.. Birthdays and Christmas's were the best.. We always knew exactly what to get each other, we always paid attention to what we both said we wanted.. We always made sure to make every waking moment special..

Until this day it breaks my heart to know that things change, that things dont stay the same for ever, that the spark that once became fire, slowly begins to disappear, that we begin to get too comfortable and we kind of lose interest.. That some of the things that used to once be cute, become annoying and not as cute anymore.. Time has a way of doing that.. Any one who has been in a long term relationship knows it happens, it's just a matter of how you handle it as a couple... How strong the bond and love is... And if it can withstand the ups and downs.. That's what happened to us.. Things got rough, a little too rough, I felt we outgrew each other and we drifted apart.. maybe there were things we could have done.. But i felt we did too much to try to keep it together.. It's like the harder we tried the more we drifted.. As painful as it was we both knew it just wasn't meant to be.. But just because we felt that way it didn't mean we didn't love each other.. it just means we both are mature enough to know that sometimes things just dont work out.. And that it is better to let go and hurt, rather than to stay in a relationship and hurt every day knowing we dont love each other the way we once did.. It has now been 17 days since we broke up... And every single memory her and i shared haunts me, I see her in my dreams, my every thought is stuck on her as i wonder if she misses me as much as i miss her.. I am now 26 and she is 32.. i spent most of my adult life with her.. Whether in a relationship or not she was my everything.. She was all i knew all those years, from the moment i feel in love back when i was 21 until now.. The thought of not being able to spend the rest of my life with her like we had planned breaks my heart every time i think about it.. To know that i will no longer hear her voice makes me feel like i have millions of bee's stinging my heart.. I miss her terribly every single day and every night, when i see her in my dreams but i cant get close enough to touch her.. As i type this the memories flow from my eyes and stream onto my cheeks.. And i think to myself "how will i ever move on?" But i know i will.. I have great friends and i joined a local gym, to get my mind busy on other things.. i think our story will always haunt me.. i think the memories will always haunt me... But one day at a time right?

I can not picture my life from this day forward with anyone else.. But that is beside the point, as i am not ready for that today, or tomorrow or the next day.. I need to work on myself.. I need to learn to be happy by myself before i take it anywhere with anyone else.. many times so far i have tried to drown my sorrows with alcohol but when i come back to reality, the thought of her is still there... She helped me grow, she helped me mature.. She helped mold me into the person i am today.. And for that i will will always be thankful, and for that i will always love her.... Forever was what i envisioned with her... but now the only forever i can promise her is a place in my heart, just for her... Forever...